-No Title-

Ohai.

So for the few of you who actually keep up with my blog, you'll see that I took down my last few posts. This is because upon further reading of them, it was stupid of me to post. So, for the better of myself and others, I took them down.

This doesn't mean my feelings have changed. It just means I'm not telling anyone about them anymore. No one cares to hear anyways.

Obai.

VERY IMPORTANT BLOG

"Ohai Jeff."

Ohai

"So I hear you have something very important to share with us today."

Why, yes I do.

........

"So......are you going to share it with us?"

Nope.

"Wait, why no..."

Obai.

I miss my...nevermind.

Ohai.

So I'm trying something new here with this post. I just put on the song Octavarium. Quite possibly my favorite song on the planet. It is a 24 minute song, and while I let the song play in its entirety, I'm going to write out this blog. I don't plan to stop until the song stops or I'm emotionally drained, whichever comes first. I get the feeling I may ramble a lot as well to just come up with filler while i filter my thoughts. I usually mentally prepare what I'm going to write out first and then go from there, but this time I'm just diving in head on.

Let us start with a fairly unimportant but still notable topic. I've decided that for the time being I'm going to quit playing Yu-Gi-Oh. My reasons behind this are my own, but I think it's going to help me focus on more important things if I just take a break from the game for a few months or so. My brother is, of course, excited about this because it means he's going to be able to use my cards...haha.

Moving on from such childish matters...

Schooling. Now I know in my past few blogs I was talking about how I was unsure as to what I was going to do about that. After talking to many different people within and outside of my major, I've figured out what I'm going to do. Though it may not seem like the best idea to some people, I'm going to give it another year and see what happens from there. My reasoning behind this is I've heard that the first three semesters are the worst ones in this major. After you get those, you'll get to the networking stuff that I actually want to learn and from there I'll begin to be doing things I enjoy and learning skills that I can apply to a job that I would want later on down the road. Though I don't mean to shut out the option of looking into another major all together. If I still feel it necessary, I will be taking a career placement test over the summer, just to see what it has to say. The reason I haven't taken it yet is because I've talked to different people who have taken different versions of this test and each time came back with very different responses. I don't want to waste my money on something that could differ in answers every time. I guess I'll just have to wait till summer and see what happens from there.

Speaking of summer....you know what? We'll talk about that last.

Update on my dad. He went in for the tests last week and begins the injections on Monday. I'm still really worried about him, but I'm so grateful that he's finally doing something about this. The past week has been really hard on my mom since she has had to drive him and my brother and herself all over the place since he hasn't been cleared to drive yet. We also find out pretty soon if he gets put on disability or not. If this happens, I will be getting a second job over the summer, which means my vlogs may or may not be in the picture anymore. Yes, he'd still be getting paid while on disability, but it wouldn't be anywhere near the same amount of money he makes right now, which means any money that can be brought into help the family, the better. Please keep him in your thoughts as he goes through this next week or so, and hope that he can be cleared to drive soon. I don't want my mom to vent her frustration about all this on me anymore.

"Why can't you just talk to me about it?" Because when I try to, I either can't find the words and just pretend to not want to talk about anything, or can't get a hold of you when I finally get the courage to say the words I need to say. Not sure if I can really say what I want to say on here though because "you already know everything and I already know everything." This I find to be a lie, but that's OK. I just wish you really knew how I felt and what I really want to say to you. Though it's not really my place to say anything because that would be me stepping outside the "friend" barrier. Maybe the lyrics from my last post say everything...God knows I've longed to feel something but now's not the time. I'm caught up in the heartless disorder of a Friday night. Focused on staying distracted until I lose sight of the tiresome and clinical patterns of my life. That's where the summer is coming in. I guess I'm going to stick true to the promise that I made for myself and I'm going to wait for the summer and see what happens then. Some people, even yourself, probably call me stupid for this. Keep in mind, I finally got the girl that I really wanted for almost a year, so forgive me for wanting an ACTUAL shot with you. I still love (is that a right word to use?) you, but that doesn't really matter right now. I'll keep it as hidden as possible after this and just be the friend that I know you need right now.

Thank god the song is over. I don't think that I could write anymore if I even wanted to. Though it forced me to actually write one of these. May try to do a vlog later if I feel up for it.

I miss my teddy....
You didn't hear that

Obai.

For the record...

God knows I've longed to feel something but now's not the time.
I'm caught up in the heartless disorder of a Friday night.
Focused on staying distracted until I lose sight of the tiresome and clinical patterns of my life.
I will cherish this love for the rest of my night.
One day I'll find myself facing the firing line.
Serves me right.
For the record I've written my crimes.
I will cherish this love for the rest of my night.

Lord have mercy on my soul.
I've had a good run but I can't run anymore.
Just put me down.
Lord have mercy on my soul.
I've had a good run but I can't run anymore.
Just put me down.
Can't sidestep the long arm for too long with this paper trail.
I've let them devour my heart for some material.
But I'm a drunkard, a coward, a crook. I ought to change my ways.
Face the music. Carry the can. Etcetera. Etcetera.

What's next?
Trust me, I'm still with you somewhere. I just wish it was here.
Someday I'm bound to feel guilty but now's not the time.
I'm sure I'll get what I'm due.
Everything will be fine.
Hell bent on finding the next fix in the fog.
You're in a cab on the way to your house. Change the locks.
I will cherish this love for the rest of the night.

Short, sweet, straight to the point.

Ohai.



Obai.

You owe it to me?

Ohai.

So I kind of copped out with my last blog. Problem is, whenever I sit down to try and write everything down in my head, I end up getting pissed at myself. Can't really explain why, since I really haven't done anything wrong per say. If anything, the past week or two have been the most straightforward weeks I've had in a while. And to be honest, I feel even more confused than I've felt in quite a while. Lets dive right on in. It's almost three in the morning...I have no idea why I'm still up at this point and time.


So I guess the first place to start would be with my dad, since my last real post ended on a bit of a bad note. So yes, he was in the crash and wasn't really hurt too badly. It took him this long to finally go through with it, but hes going to begin one of the treatments offered to him in hopes of getting his vertigo taken care of once and for all. Now, I don't know everything about this treatment, or what it's even called for that matter. What I do know is that it's almost like ear drops in his ear. The treatment has an 80-85% chance of being successful, which is nothing to really complain about in the end. Though, whatever ear they choose to do this in, he has an 1-5 chance of going deaf in that ear. Only reason this concerns me is that his hearing is bad enough. I so grateful that he's finally going through with some form of treatment. His attacks were starting to take a toll on everyone, especially myself since I've been showing early signs of the same disease.

Guess I'm next in line, hu?

The next issue, my schooling, I'm going to keep short, sweet, and straight to the point. I'm in the process of getting everything figured out while staying on top of my school work. Everything as far as this goes is cool. I will be staying at Purdue next year more than likely. The major I'm in may be a bit of a different story.

"Please don't let me go
I desperately need y..."

NO!!! STOP IT OWL CITY!!! JUST SHUT UP NOW!!!

-_-

Anyways, I...

"...you."

MOTHER FUCKER!

If I may continue without RUDELY being interrupted by my music again...we reach my final issue. To be honest, I don't think I'm going to go into it all too much. The more and more I think about it, the more it seems to be a bad idea to write about it on here, at least right now. Anyways, basically everyone already knows everything. Well, except for Her...maybe...I guess all I can do is wait and see.

"Even if it kills you on the inside, Jeff?"

Like I said, wait and see.

Well, I think this lightly touches on everything going on with me right now. Thanks once again for wasting a few moments of your life to read about me bitching about shit. At least in this one 2/3 of everything is good. That's a step in the right direction, right?

Every time I talk to you, my heart drops again...
I miss you...
I...never mind.

Wants to write something new...

...but what's the point, really?

Ohai.

So, for the one or two people who actually take the time to read this every so often, be expecting a new post later today. I want to spend some time outside right now, then I have to work on my speech, but then I'm going to write a full one of these.

More I think about it though, writing one of these won't accomplish anything. If you read this, you already know what three things I'm going to write about. So yea, I'm not sure.

Obai.