Conversations With Myself - Part 1

Ohai.

"What up, my hommies?"

Ugh...you again. Are you just going to become a normal character in my blogs?

"You keep bringing me back, so I'm gonna go with 'Yes," on this one."

Lovely. Just keep you're mouth shut while I try to talk and we'll be good.

"Dude....You're a fucking pussy."

Woah. That came out of no where. May I ask why you are calling me this?

"Dude, she wanted it so bad. Did you not see the look in her eyes. She was literally screaming for it. Why are you such a pansy?"

Because you're the voice of spontaneity in my head, while I'm forced to be the only one who thinks rationally anymore.

"You have to agree with me, though. You felt that she wanted you to as well."

I mean, there were signs there, yes. Although...

"Dude, she even used the word present. Remember what that used to stand for while the two of you were hooking up at first?"

Yeah, of course I do. But who's to say that she remembers what that stood for?

"Why are you such a party pooper? If you don't do it, I'll do it myself."

Are you forgetting that I am you? Anything I do, you do, and vice versa. In the end, I have total control over the both of us.

"....Try me."

...................ummm
Obai?

"Yeah, you would try to end it once I get ahead of you. Asshole."

Feel Alive, Just shut your eyes....

You might never meet me,
For I am King.
And as we march into the storms eyes,
I find relief in the rain.
I can hind as I lead my army,
Into certain death.

Eyes over you.

Feel Alive.

And I wanted you to know,
Today won't go down in stone.
(Feel Alive)

And I wanted you to know,
I never meant for this.
(Close your eyes)

And I wanted you to know,
I never meant for this.
(Close your eyes)

Today won't go down in history,
So shut your eyes

June 8th, hu?
Done.
I'll show you otherwise.
Promise.

Just tell me one way or another?

"Oh, you're not going to just get it out of me THAT easy."
Yeah, no shit.
-_-

Ohai.

Good morning, sunshine. You're looking fantastic today. It's alright, I'll just pretend you can hear this.

If I had the power to read peoples minds, even if only for just a moment, I'd be golden. Get inside you for just a second, see what's making you tick, know what you're really thinking. You're not as hard to read as I may make it to seem from time to time, the problem is, who is the message for. If I act on it, thinking that it's for me, and it turns out to be for someone else...I'd be fucked. Fear of rejection...It's a killer, let me tell you. It's alright though, because you'll never read this blog post. You're at Holiday World, and I'm at home. I'll leave this up just long enough for me to figure out what I'm going to do with this thoughts and feelings in my head and heart, then delete it before you get the chance to read it.

Act now.
Act later.
Act now.
Act later.
Be right.
Be dead wrong.
Now.
Later.
"Later is for pussies."

Fine.
This week.
Tuesday.
I put everything on the line.
My heart will be on my sleeve.
Hope you're ready...
Because I sure as hell aren't.

Slip into something more comfortable...proceed into space. Selkies: The Endless Obsession
-Between the Buried and Me

Obai.

If there is one, that is.

"I want to stand on the top of my roof.
I want to scream it to the sky, well knowing that no one will hear me, and I'm OK with that.
At least that way I can assume that God knows how I feel."

-Intervention/Reinvention

Ohai.

I think that just about expalins everything on my mind right now...except for this blinding headache...and the fear of working thirds tonight.

Obai.

You see, the trick is that you're never supposed to act on it...

...and yet I did.

Ohai.

Tired...short blog....get over it.

I want to record...now.

I miss you...and it hasn't even been 24 hours. Watched the video you left me on my camera when I got home from work to make me smile.

Thoughts are still racing...conclusions are not being made.

Consciousness...is being.....loooosssssssstt....

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

"Jeff.....JEFF!!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

"Ummm...Well this is kind of awkward. He fell asleep before he could do his outro. Doesn't he usually do something cute like, 'Kthanxbi,' or something like that? I don't know...Just get the fuck out of here!"

From 1000 to 9001 mph in one night....

Ohai.

Mmmmmm....morning....hate it. Weird thing is I actually slept well last night. It's a first, and it caught me off guard. Dreamed non stop though. Some good, some bad, all making my thoughts race.

One more chance...
Hang in there...
Move on....
Bus...
Hahaha

OK, so maybe I didn't really have a dream about the last one, but it was a thought that crossed my head. I'm so evil...teehee. But moving on from such childish matters. That last blog shouldn't have even been posted now that I think about it. I stooped to his level by doing that. Doesn't look good on my in my opinion. Though he decided to write me a nice little response. Apparently, I'm planning something so underhanded and evil that I don't even know what I'm doing. Wasn't aware I was smart/stupid enough to do something like that, but OK. Like I said, you live your life, and I'll live mine, and we'll be good.

Recording is all that's on my mind. "Intervention/Reinvention..." I'm not going to over hype this because I never think my songs are anything special, but it's going to be awesome when it's all finished. I just need a live drummer now.

One last chance to prove you wrong, that is all it's going to take. Until you give me a reason to not love you anymore, I still will. Even if it's just as a friend, that's what it is. Though in response to one thing you said, I don't think you realize how happy I am when I'm with you and everything. Oh well, I'll prove you wrong at some point

Obai.

Excuss me for just a moment...

Ohai.

This blog isn't going to be an actual blog, but more a message to a certain someone who feels the need to still be in my business and in my life.

Hey...hey you...yeah you. you douche bag. I have stayed out of your life since we've left school, only contacting you once as a friend to try and see if you wanted to hang out. Other than that, no contact. I knew that that was what you wanted in the end anyways. I know you don't care if i got hit by a bus and died. I still think of you as a brother and would do just about anything for you, but it's whatever. But stay the fuck out of my life and don't make assumptions that you don't know anything about. The only reason why you knew what you knew at the time was because I was stupid enough to trust you and think that you wouldn't judge me. Guess I was wrong there.

Fuck off.
Piss off.
Live your life.
I'll live mine.
Kthanxdie.

Let us not hope for another post like this anytime soon. Yes, I went a little immature at the end there, but if he's going to give me that title, I might as well flaunt it. xD

Obai.

For the last time...

Can I have your attention please
If you didn't want the garden why did you plant the seed?
Your making promises that you never keep
Now you deal with the consequences down on your knees

And maybe we will do this for the rest of our lives
Maybe we will live forever
And maybe we don't have to think it's right
And maybe we will

I don't feel what you feel
I don't want to feel this incomplete
No one here can tell me
How to fill this space between
Everyone knows you're my one regret
Everyone knows you're my one weakness

The butterfly, the butterfly is beautiful but soon will die
Will spread its wings in the eternal sky
Eternal light with everything that's on its mind
You'll never believe this

And maybe we will do this for the rest of our lives
Maybe we will live forever
And maybe we don't have to think it's right
And maybe we will

The butterfly, the butterfly is beautiful but soon will die
Will spread its wings in the eternal sky
Eternal light with everything that's on its mind
You'll never believe this
And I can see you now reaching out for me
And I can feel you now setting yourself free


And maybe we will do this for the rest of our lives
Maybe we will live forever
And maybe we don't have to think it's right
And maybe we will

The butterfly, the butterfly is beautiful but soon will die
Will spread its wings in the eternal sky
Eternal light with everything that's on its mind
You'll never believe this

Another Note

Whoever's name is written in this note, shall die.

Ohai.

Love that book. I couldn't sleep too well last night, so I spent the night rereading that book along with listening to Dream Theater, a band I haven't actually sat down and listened to in quite a while. Haven't just let myself been taken over by the music in quite a while. I sound weird when I say it, but it's really an out of body experience. Dreamed of myself playing a Big Day Out festival last night...woke up with the best additude I've had in the morning in quite some time...till I remembered I had to mow the lawn today....

FUCK!!!

Recording today...kind of nervous about that. I honestly hate the recording process. I need everything to be perfect, or I start to freak a little bit. Hopefully that will go well, and we'll get just about everything that needs to be done done.

Other than that...I still think I'm going crazy. Everyday, my thoughts are running at 1000 mph and I have no way to slow them down. I reach no solid conclusions on anything, and it's slowly driving me to insanity. Hanging on though, because, for some odd reason, I have a feeling in the back of my head and in the bottom of my heart. Maybe everything will actually work out. Maybe this summer will end up being the best summer of my life. Or maybe I'll fuck it all up....Just maybe...

"All you can do now is crawl...crawl...crawl..." So....ummm...hi. I'm not sure what to say right now. I guess....you know what...never mind. I miss you, and I just saw you yesterday, and will probably see you in a few hours. ( :: [] :: )

Obai.

Leap of faith...

I miss you too

I love you.

I'm sorry if I'm reading you wrong, that's just what it seemed to me.

If I'm wrong about this, then I just made a total ass out of myself, and I'm sorry. I tend to be wrong, but it was worth a shot in my opinion.

Today, we won't go down in history...

Ohai.

So this will be day three of consistent blog posts, and I have to say, it's starting to take its toll on me. I say this in the aspect that I try to have something interesting to say every time I come to write one of these. Sadly, my life isn't all that exciting or awesome, so I never really have much to say. Just that I'm getting lots of footage for my vlogs, but no way to edit said footage, and that the recording process for my demo is going along swimmingly. If everything goes the way I have it planned in my head, we should have the demo done by the end of this month, beginning of next month. From there, it's promotion, promotion, promotion. Hopefully going to be playing a few live shows, photo shoot, and maybe a music video. If possible, maybe even get it some play on the radio. Of course, this would depend on how highly accepted the music ends up being. Along with my own music, my buddy KJ, who does rap music, has once again contacted me about coming to his home studio and recording a song for him and playing live shows for him in the near future. Should be fun. We'll see how that ends up going though.

"Go tell all your friends that this is the end."

Other than that, my life has been fairly boring. Dad is ok, I don't have school to bitch about anymore, and everything else is being taken care of as it comes up.

"His eyes are locked on her. Her eyes are fixed elsewhere. He's confident, but he's unaware she doesn't care."

Spent the night last night on my roof for a while. Have to say, it's the most peaceful time I get. Just sitting on my roof...staring at the stars and the sky.........hoping...wishing...dreaming....I absolutely adore it. Though I found, last night in particular, that I wish I had a certain someone up there with me. Oh well..maybe another night.

"Put the bottle down man....I think you've had enough tonight." I had a dream last night that things were the way they used to be. Is this a sign, or is it my mind getting the better of me again? Is it wrong to say that I miss you?

Obai.


(Keep in mind, the hidden message is still here. Just got to look a little harder for it this time Izzy...hahah.)

2.0, 3.0, so on and so forth.

Ohai.

So I realize that getting one post a day may be harder than I thought. I was exhausted last night, and, therefore, did not finish any of the things I had planned for myself. Eventually, when I get some video editing software, my vlogs are going to be going up on my Youtube channel. I'll post the link on here when there is some decent content on the channel. Hopefully I didn't just buy this camera for nothing.

So last night was fairly awesome. I went and hung out with Ben and chilled at Steak 'n Shake, got some food, and started discussing how the recording process will go for the rest of the week. The goal is to get all of the guitar parts recorded by this weekend so that when/if the drummer that Izzy found for us comes down this weekend, we'll have everything ready for him and all he'll have to do is play over what we already have done. I'm also in the process of finding a live band to maybe play a few shows with over the summer, and a possible photo shoot/music video shoot is in the process as well. Seriously, this is going to be legit. Be on the look for it.

"Intervention..."

After dinner, we ran into Izzy, and decided that we should try to find the movie Fight Club and watch it and Izzy's place. The pain was trying to find this movie at Wal-Mart. After about 30 minutes, we finally found it, met up with Mikey, and all went to Izzy's place. While watching the movie, Clara ended up showing up. Very pleasant surprise indeed. I missed her face...haha. We ended up doing more catching up than watching the movie. I've got to sit down and watch it again at some point.

So, after coming home, I tried to go to sleep, but I couldn't. Oddly enough, part of my own song started playing in my head. An acoustic break in one of my songs...it speaks to me and spooks me everytime I hear it in my head. Maybe I'll post the lyrics to it on the next post. But that's beyond the point. I basically went another night without any sleep, and I've got a long day ahead of me today. Going to be seeing Jenn at some point...(maybe...:P) along with maybe Izzy and Mikey. If none of that ends up happening, I'll just get together with Ben and record some more guitar parts.


".../Reinvention"

I'm tired....And I want out. "Draw with me."

Obai.

Dear God, I need it.

Ohai.

"Wow Jeff, you've really been slacking on posts. Everytime you post one up, it's taken down a week later. Why is that?"

Wait a second...Who the hell let you back in?

"I know the garage code."

Bastard...but you're right. I took down the last post because the message was misinterpreted, and turned around and actually hurt the person I was trying to call out to. Not what I had in mind AT ALL. So it had to come down. But here's a new post to get you off of my dick.

So I've got my new video camera, and have started taking footage for the vlogs. I feel it's going to be a really fun project for me, along with recoding my demo and then getting that out there to everyone. OH, I bet you're curious about that too. Or you just don't care at all......EITHER WAY, I'm telling you about it. So we started recording the guitar and bass parts for the songs, and ended up getting a rough draft of the parts for the first three songs, which in my opinion is fairly good progress. Next week the plan is to record the drums, so I'm kind of hoping to have the guitars all recorded by then. That why, it's easier to explain how I want the drums done when he gets ready to record his parts.

My dad goes back to work on Monday...which means he'll be driving on his own...on the interstate.........If you have a God...start praying to him for me...I'm already scared out of my mind for that day.

So I start working today, and to be honest, I'm already dreading it. This summer so far has been fantastic. Exactly what I want from my summer, seeing my friends everyday, even if it's only for a few hours or less. I've seen Izzy almost everyday since I've been back...Haha. It's awesome though, being able to just chill with him and other people. Also seen Jenn a few times, got stuck at her house because of a thunder storm that I didn't trust myself driving in...think I pissed her mom off with how late I was there, but it was raining sideways ...cut me some slack.

So I think that's all I've got for you guys today. I may try to do what Izzy is doing since he started his blog and do one long post at the end of everyday. This may end up being a challenge for me. One, once I start working, all I'll do is work...not much time for anything else. Two, I usually take my stuff down after a while, so posts may be missing. We'll see if we can't change both of those things.

Well, that's all I've got for you today. It's 8:30 in the morning, and I head into work at noon, and will more than likely be there till midnight, at least that's what my manager made it sound like. I've got a lot on my mind...had one of those nights where I did nothing but dream, and now I'm thinking about what happened in those dreams and such.

So here's a part where only the real smart will find. Just a small little sentence containing two thing...A line from my new song "Intervention/Reinvention" and a message to "her." So you think you've hit rock bottom? Kid, you ain't seen nothing yet....Please don't leave. Not yet at least. Need a place to stay? I've got a guest bed...haha. But in all honesty...I don't know what we'd all do if you skipped town. Only reason I didn't do it was because of you. So yeah...stuff "lessthanthree"

Obai,