Earthbound

Ohai.

No real song in mind yet. I'll just let one come to me as I sit in front of this screen and write out whatever comes to mind. It's sad, really. What my weekends come down to. I don't like to think of myself as an above average student, but when it comes to my homework, I usually stay on top of things so that when the weekend comes, I have all the free time in the world to do whatever it is I want. The sad part is that when the weekend comes... Nothing. I don't ever do much of anything. I try to make plans with my friends, to go out and enjoy ourselves... Usually it ends up in my face. Or it's just that they're too busy and/or already have made plans that can't include me.

You'll have to forgive me right off the bat. I just finished watching Chuggaaconroy's walkthrough of Mother 3. I have to say, it's no wonder why that game was never Americanized and sold here. It couldn't be done. The ending is so emotional and powerful that if they tried to censor out the actual deaths in the game that the plot as a whole would be lost. It wouldn't be the same game if Hinawa didn't die right off in the beginning. It wouldn't be the same if you, as Lucas, were forced into a fight with your brother, Claus, at the end up the game. It wouldn't be the same if, after becoming attached to the characters and the story, you didn't watch Claus come to the realization of what he's become and kill himself to end it all.

I'm sorry. I'm feeling a tad melodramatic tonight. It's a bit of a combination of being alone for so long that my imagination runs wild, along with the fact that the ending of that game was so unexpected and I wasn't exactly prepared for something like that. Especially not from a Nintendo game. But again, I forget the fact that the version I watched isn't an Americanized form of the game, so it's seen as the game developers intended it to be. I kind of wish that we dealt with issues like this the same way that they do over there. The youth in Japan and other cultures like that are much more mature than the youth here in America. They can deal with themes of death and related things in their video games and television shows. While, when brought over to America, we have to censor the hell out of things, almost to the point of them not even being the same game or show anymore.

-refresh-

What else is on my mind? That's what this is looking like it's going to bed. Just a random vent about what's going through the head of Jeff Lipton at this very moment. OoOoOoOo... Maybe not the best idea in the world. No one really cares but me. But I like this way of getting my thoughts out.

-refresh-

I'm about to beat an Asian, I swear. He's made it now to the point where I can't even have friends over anymore. The one time I decide to bring a friend over and the two of us just work on homework in the dorm, he decides to harass and scare her while I leave the room for a few moments to use the restroom. This is just something that boggles my mind. How, in any way, shape, or form, could he possibly think that he was in the right to do what he did? I mean, it wasn't anything terrible by any means, but it was most certainly crossing a social line that everyone is aware exists. Except him, I suppose. My friend is now so creeped out and made to feel nervous by him that she refuses to even come back to my room if he is there. Which just makes me feel uncomfortable to bring anyone into the room anymore. So, while everyone else goes out and has fun or just does their own thing, I'm stuck in my room with him.

-refresh-

All he does is sleep. In fact, he's gone into bed and taken naps a total of four times today. I cannot understand how a person can bring themselves to do that. Don't get me wrong; I love a nap as much as the next guy, but this is just insane. How he has made it here as long as he has is beyond me. The kid seems to lack any idea of American morals, structure, or anything of the sort. I don't like my video games Americanized, but I sure as hell like my Asians to be so. It's a few more months that I have to deal with him, and I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do it. I mean, he's under a constant eye from all of the RAs and SRs and stuff. He takes a few more faulty steps, and he'll live to regret it.

-refresh-

Sorry, this blog is really getting to the point where I should just stop for the night. My body is drained, and I think it's almost time I call it a night. Hehe... Sad that I'm saying that as a college student and it's only quarter till ten. None of my friends have texted me back since the start of this blog, which was over an hour ago. Or, the two that did text me back are either with their significant other, or stalking a potential new one. I love being single. -cough- NOT -cough-

Well, no song for this blog either. It's gonna be really boring if you actually read all of this. Well, I guess we'll call it wraps for this one.

-refresh-
Damn it...
Obai.

It doesn't seem to matter...

Ohai
I mean, it's just daydreaming, right?
I saved a place for you
I saved a place for all of you
I wanna pull you all in
I want you guessing where the truth can win

You have no idea how happy I am right now. I was laying in bed last night trying to find sleep, and I started to hum a melody out of nowhere. I knew instantly what song it was, and it made me feel so much more content about ending the day. Back in the mid 2000s, there was a band called Army of Anyone. The singer of Filter, and the musicians of Stone Temple Pilots. They only released one album, but it was my favorite album until I discovered Dream Theater. I'm just ranting about music, I know. It's one of the few things though that will always give me, if anything, momentary bliss. DON'T TAKE THAT FROM ME!

Let's all fake happiness
We'll put on a good show
We'll lie through our teeth
We'll kill who tries to cheat
Amen

And this is why I haven't been able to get much of anything other than school work done lately. I sat down and started this, but then ended up getting lost in my own thoughts. Daydreaming has really been the death of me lately. Or, the death of my productivity, really. I can't keep focused on much for the past week. It's crazy. I end up in the wildest of places when I let my mind run wild...

It doesn't seem to matter
When it's all about you
It doesn't seem to matter
When it's all aimed at you

I sometimes find myself on the stage of Big Day Out. Next to me is Phil, getting warmed up before the show. Kurt and Ben are there, too. Along with Kyle. We all exchange a last few words, and then run out there and play to a crowd of thousands upon thousands of people. With each song, I get more and more pumped up. Phil and I harmonizing, Ben and I passing off solos, the heaviest of rock songs to the slowest of acoustic songs. It sometimes feels like we play a set that goes on for days and days, but I never tire.

I'll try to make amends
I'll try to mend all of you
I want to let you all in
I want to live where the truth can win

Or how about this one. Just laying in my bed. And there they are. Right next to me. Water beds make it difficult for two people to be laying on it, or even just sitting on them. We're both just looking up at my ceiling and talking. Joking. Smiling. Whenever I need something to cheer me up, I think back to that. I remember feeling on top of the world, like for once I was doing something right. Then they leaned over and kissed me on the check. Fucking surreal.

Let's all make happiness
We'll put on a good show
With blood in the streets
We'll kill who tried to cheat
Amen

But not all daydreams can be happy ones. A constant one I have... I find myself sitting in a cubical. Desk work. Paper work. Busy work. Bitch work. I find myself looking at the clock every half hour, just waiting for the work day to end. Finally, 5:00 comes around, and I dash out to my little piece of shit car. I drive through a downtown area. It looks like Indianapolis, but part of me hopes that it's not. The other part of me knows that it is, though. I drive up to a parking complex, praying that my car can make it up the slope one more time. I walk into my lonely apartment, throw my coat and briefcase onto the floor, and plop onto the couch. After hours of mind-numbing tv, I crawl into bed, only to know that tomorrow isn't going to be any different than that day.

It doesn't seem to matter
When it's all aimed at you
It doesn't seem to matter
When it's all aimed at you

Like I said, the imagination is a very powerful, and sometimes scary, skill we have. It can take us to the happiest of places, or it can show us our worst nightmares come to life. I left out my all time favorite daydream, along with my worst one, for obvious reasons. They're personal to me, and I feel like I don't need to say them out loud. I need to get my mind straight though. Long week ahead of me. I want to say that I'm looking forward to the weekend, but I have nothing going on... Again. Maybe I'll try to... Nah, it won't happen.

I want to let you all in
I want to live where the truth can win
What could be the harm?
Obai.

Dreaming

Ohai

For today
We will take the body parts and
Put them on the wall
For treated indigenously digenously
Human right is private blue chip
Pry

Laissez-nous faire ce soir quelque chose de différent. Je suis l'âme aventureuse. Peu de gens vont avoir la capacité ou la patience de lire ou de traduire cela. Je suis tout à fait correct à cet égard. Honnêtement, avec combien de temps il va me prendre pour écrire ceci, je vais faire court. De plus, je suis maintenant libre de dire à peu près ce que je veux.

We're the prophetic generation of bottled water
Bottled water
Causing poor populations to die

Je suis prêt pour cette semaine d'être terminée et il vient de commencer. Pas une bonne chose. Je suis tombé malade à nouveau la nuit dernière, et n'a pas été en mesure d'obtenir autant de sommeil que j'aurais aimé. J'ai dû manquer de travail avec mon ami aujourd'hui, et ce n'est pas bon. Nous étions vraiment très bien avec notre calendrier, et maintenant je me sens derrière. Plus important encore, j'ai raté ma première classe. Pas bon du tout. Je me demande qu'est-ce qui me rend si bas? Stress? Le sentiment de solitude? Qui sait ...

You
You went beyond
And you lost it all
Why did you go there
From beyond
You saw it all
Why did you go there

Je regarde mes amis qui se sentent parfois bouleversé et je me demande qu'est-ce qui rend les contrarier. La plupart d'entre eux sont dans un collège ou dans cette direction. Ils ont un copain ou une copine qu'ils aiment. Et la plupart d'entre eux semblent être dans un endroit très bon dans leur vie. Alors qu'est-ce qui les fait se sentir si triste? Peut-être que c'est juste le fait que certaines personnes ne sont jamais satisfaits de ce qu'ils ont. Il se pourrait que certaines personnes sont juste bon à cacher leurs vrais sentiments. Je suis devenu assez bon pour faire cela moi-même.

She lost her mind
Someone kicked her into the back of the line
She lost her head
When they called and they said that they thought he was dead

Donc ce qui est dans mon esprit? L'école va devenir difficile, donc j'ai besoin d'être prêt pour cela. En plus de cela, certains de mes amis ont des problèmes, et ça me rend souhaite que je pourrais faire quelque chose pour les aider. Je ne peux pas faire grand-chose pour ces gens, si. Je peux juste espérer qu'ils le comprendre. Aussi, j'ai eu le sentiment très jaloux. Tu me manques. Ce qui est triste c'est que je suis sûr que vous ne me rate pas. Le sentiment se lève de temps en temps, peu importe combien j'essaie de le contrôler. Peu importe, si. Je vais passer à travers et de se concentrer sur les choses importantes à la fin.

Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thought I can't deny
Dreaming of screaming
Someone kick me out of my mind
I hate these thoughts I can't defy
Quelqu'un m'expulser de mon esprit. Je déteste ces pensées, je ne peux pas nier.
Congratulations! You did it! Or you just skipped till you found something in English and read that. Either way, I think it's about time to go to bed and let these thoughts settle in my head.

You will take the body parts and put them on the wall
And bring the dark disaster
Yes, I found a translator. Shut up.
Obai

Who invited the Russian soilder?

Ohai

Wait till they send your son home in a box
See if you're dancing when water is everywhere
Anguish is endless but deaths unambiguous

Well, here we are again. On the edge of midnight, and I can't help but feel more alone than usual. I was supposed to be at a party tonight, but of course I got sick during the day. No way I was going to a place where the main intention is to get drunk and enjoy myself when I was feeling the way I did. So I went with the night in the dorm alone. Of course, when I do that, my thoughts start to take over, and a bit of day dreaming starts to take place. It's always fantastic how far a little imagination can take you.

Wave as it carries him off
And pose while it fits you in hospital gowns
Flirt with the men dressed in white
Slip into bed with the fire that consumes your house

I've been trying to keep a more positive attitude about things as they happen lately, and I would like to think that I've been doing a pretty good job of doing that so far. I've come to terms with the fact that eventually I'm going to die, and that there is a slight possibility that there may or may not be anything after this, so I don't want to waste the time that I've been given by being depressed or anything like that. Though, in some instances, it really can't be helped. I start to see how happy everyone is, and I wonder what it is that they have that I don't.

Sing on your surveillance tape
Smile in your autopsy photo for once
Phone up the boys that have buried your bones
Where do you get off loving life?
As if it's done any of us any good
You're going to wish you were me when the unsuspecting are dragged
To their graves
And you're standing on the edge holding a rose

Is it their significant other? Is it just the group of friends they have? Is it the choices that they make? Who knows.

Dead where we stand and you concern yourself with such things as your status
And what's in fashion
Don't say you can't be this bothered
Death becomes us all
You've got some nerve having hope in the ghost town port of call

I've told myself not to let myself get too wrapped up in such things. I have more important things to be worried about, and it's true. My grades are going up, and that's a good thing. I don't want to lose this upward momentum that I have with my grades and let myself slip behind like I did last year. Looking back, I would say that I've changed quite a bit as a person from back there, but at the same time I'm still the same old me. I just for once have a clear head about what it is I want to do with my college career. As far as once I get out of college, that's a different story. But, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Someday your insides will turn themselves out
Tell me what purpose our efforts have served
When we end up in the ground
More acts will follow the roles we have plays
Everything loved will expire
I've seen it all and I'm worse off because of it

I just need something to inspire me again.... I feel like I'm slowly dying from a lack of creativity... A drought of inspiration...

Good men have died in my arms
I've been everywhere yet we'll all end up at the same depth
What's the point

So, I started this last night, and couldn't bring myself to finish it. I don't know why, but just being on this page at night makes me feel sad. Meh. Maybe I'll just start writing blogs during the day. If I even continue to do them. Are you sick of hearing that yet? It's like I keep saying that I'll eventually stop, but I think I'm addicted. This page is still gonna be around and be updated when I get old, maybe even till the day I die. Who knows. Anyways, it's a new day. Let's make the most of it, I guess.

There is nothing to see here
And nothing gazes back at me

Obai.

It's almost three in the morning...

...And I can't fucking sleep.

Ohai.

No song. Lets just make this short and sweet. I can't sleep. Why? Why not, is the better question. My body can't stay comfortable for more than five minutes. Everytime I start to go to sleep the mother fucker I share a room with makes a loud noise or tries to talk to me and I wake up. My thoughts are running wild, as always. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't keep doing this every freaking night. The black rings under my eyes are getting to the point where I can't stand to look at myself. And I'm already not much of a looker. Self confidence = down the toilet. Way to end a fairly productive week....

O-fucking-bai.

Let the Monster Rise

Ohai.

Didn't I tell you not to go out? Didn't I?
You did, you did.
Didn't I say the world was cruel? Didn't I?
You did, you did.
Then tell me how this happened, what I did wrong,
Tell me why
Can we just go home, Shi, and forget
This dreadful night?

Well, we're now into the first full week of school, and I have to say, it's starting to sink in what kind of semester it's going to be for me. My classes are fairly easy, but not to the point were I'm going to be constantly bored with myself and feel to do the work. I went and worked out on my own for the first time today for about an hour or so. I have to say, it feels good to get out and be active rather than sitting on my ass and doing nothing all day. Also, staying on top of my homework has been doing me wonders. Haha. I had most of my work for the week done last night, so the rest of the week is smooth sailing for me.

Didn't you say that you were different? Didn't you.
I am, I am.
Say you aren't that person. Say it.
I am, I am.
Then tell me how to act, dad. What to say, dad.
Tell me why.
All you've ever told me, every word
Is a lie.

To be honest, I don't remember why I came here today. I had something to actually talk about... Something fairly important, too. But now I don't remember. Between going and finding the lyrics for this song, typing them out, and doing all the coloring for it, I've forgotten what the actual purpose of this blog was... Gotta love counter productivity...

Didn't you say that you'd protect me? Didn't you?
I tried, I tried.
Is that how you'd help me? Is it?
I tried, I tried.
Don't help me anymore, dad. You are dead, dad,
In my eyes
Someone has replaced you. Dad, I hate you
Go and die.

But now it's time to move to a different location. I'm gonna save this, and come back to it later. Hopefully I'll remember what it is I wanted to talk about by then.

Didn't I build a house, a home, didn't I?
You did, you did.
Didn't I raise her all alone, didn't I?
You did, you did.
Then Rotti took her from me, Stole my Shilo
He's to blame.
Have I failed my daughter?

Screw that. It's been a few hours since I started this, and my whole night has gone to shit. So much for a positive attitude. I don't even know what to think anymore.

Then let the father die.
And let the monster rise.

Obai.

The root of all evil

Well ohai, people of the internet who still do this blogging thing.

Is it still cool to blog? Maybe not... I might have missed the memo...

ANYWAYS!

Proud enough for you to call me arrogant
Greedy enough to be labeled a thief
Angry enough for me to go and hurt a man
Cruel enough for me to feel no grief

I figured it's a boring Monday night before classes start back up, and I have nothing better to do, so let's put something up on this blog. Might surprise a few people.

Never could have just a part of it
I always need more to get by
Getting right down to the heart of it
The root of all evil has been running my whole life

So... What to talk about? I feel about as blind going into this as I do with my youtube videos. Oh, I guess we can talk about those. I want to start doing those a bit more frequently than I've been usually doing them. This means more than one every month or so. Now, of course, this is all time permitting, and if I have enough content to make decent enough videos. I've been thinking about recording myself playing through Pokemon Black when it comes out and doing some post commentating stuff and making a series of videos being a walk through of the game. Most of my nerd friends would find it interesting, I'm sure. I also want to have MAYBE a skit video, along with just the usual vlogs. But we'll see. This is all time permitting. I have so many things that I'm going to be doing this semester on top of the usual school stuff.

Dirty enough for me to lust
Leaving nothing left to trust
Jealous enough to still feel envious
Lazy enough to sleep all day
And let my life just waste away
Selfish enough to make you wait for me

My friend and I are going to start a regular work out schedule starting this week. To be honest, I'm really looking forward to it. I haven't really been letting myself go by any means, but I'm not in the greatest shape in the world. Plus, I hear that it also helps with mental health, so anything that puts me in a better mind frame to do better this semester, I'm game to try. Plus, getting in better physical shape is never a bad thing, right? On top of that, I've put aside at least 30 minutes a day to practice my guitar. THAT, I've let myself go on. The sooner I get my chops back, the better. I've really missed playing it, actually.

Driven blindly by our sins
Mislead so easily
Entirely ready to leave it behind
I'm begging to break free

As far as schooling goes, this semester is so far shaping out to be a decent one. I REALLY hope that I don't jinx anything by saying that, but I think this semester will be the GPA booster that I need to start rolling the ball at full speed. I have the support of quite a few friends here at Purdue, some who I didn't even know would be behind me as much as they are, along with friends at other colleges and schools.

Take all of me
The desires that keep burning deep inside
Cast them all away and help to
Give me strength to face another day
I am ready, help me be what I can be

It's a new year. I feel good. Let's keep it that way. :)

Obai.

New Year Resolition

Only one...

Figure out what it is that's keeping me from being 100% happy with my life, no matter the cost.