A nightmare to remember

I'd never feel the same.
What began as laughter
so soon would turn to pain.
The sky was clear and fridged.
The air was think and still
Now, I'm not one to soon forget,
And I bet I never will.

Ohai.

This song describes what happens to me once I fall asleep so well as of late. I've been having frequent nightmares...often the same dream over and over, night after night. You would think that after a while, it would start to have less of an effect on you as it continues to show up. Though, it's exactly the opposite with me. The more this certain dream comes up, the more I think about it, and the more it tries to...You know, I don't even know what this dream is trying to tell me.

If it's trying to tell me anything for that matter.


-Light laughter-
-Surly chuckling-

"You sure about this?"
"More sure than I've been about anything."
"Mmm...Anything for you, then..."


Hopelessly drifting
Bathing in beautiful agony
I am endlessly falling
Lost in this wonderful misery


So, right of the beginning, I know what you're thinking. "Jeff...that doesn't sounds like a bad dream at all. That sounds like a sex dream. You fucking perv.

Once again, if you would shut up for a few minutes, I could get to my point.

So I was having this discussion with my good friend, Ben, a few days ago. I asked him what a nightmare meant to him. He at first gave me the very bland answer of "Scary or sad thoughts." He then tried to go more in depth with his answer, but it all meant the same thing to me. And I agree with his definiton to a point. A nightmare to me doesn't exactly have to be scarey. The dream itself could be of a happier situation, though once you wake up, something about that happy situation makes you feel sad. Maybe you don't have it anymore? Maybe it's something from your past and you miss it? Whatever the case may be. Though...as you're about to see, my nightmare doesn't exactly stay happy for much longer.


-Heavy breathing-
-Moans of ecstacy-

"How you doing, baby?"
"..."
"Is everything ok?"

-Crawling into fetal position-
-Bawling-

"Sweety, what's wrong?"

-Crying continues-
-On and on and on...-


Weird shit, hu? The jokes that can be made from the above statement are just too obvious, so don't even go into it. Not worth your time, and not worth mine either. That helpless feeling is what gets me though. I want to help...need to help so bad. But I can't.
I miss you so much. I'm sorry...
Don't know if I'll keep this post up. It's a lot more personal than other stuff I've posted before. Recent events have caused me to start thinking about the way I see stuff alot more. Death...It's been happening quite a bit in this what used to be quite town of Brownsburg. RIP Katie and Garrett. You are sured to missed by family and friends alike. Makes you find value in your own life, not wanting to waste it.

Just wish I had....

Obai.