All the time

Now the look in your eyes
And then the tone of your voice
Suggest that just like me you wonder
If we made the right choice

Ohai.
So much for a break from these things.
So I'm back I guess. I don't know for how long, or whatever, but I'm back for the night. I think I just needed a break from the same repetitive crap happening. Granted, nothing has really changed, but I need to vent. I've got no one to vent to, so I'm going to use this. No one reads this anyways, so I don't really care.

But I neglected to mention you're on my mind
All the time
But I neglected to mention you're on my mind
All the time

A few days ago, my dad had a vertigo attack. If you actually read these, you know that I suffer from these as well and I tried to give you a small taste of what they're actually like. Well, for my dad, they are worse than I could possibly imagine. When it happens, I get really scared. The look on my dads face...I've never seen a person go from color to sheer white so fast. The night was going good too. All the Liptons sitting outside, drinking and talking, and a few of us all smoking cigars, myself included in this. Surprised me that dad let me have it, what with mom right there and all. She flipped shit later, but that's beyond the point.

After the attack happened, I was really shaken up...
Still am..
I really wanted someone to talk to...Just someone to tell me that everything was going to be ok. Call me a baby/pathetic/whatever the hell you can come up with. I just needed the reassurance to get through the night without totally freaking out. Though, not to my surprise, no one seemed to really care. Which is awesome. Pay no mind that I go out of my way for just about everyone who is even remotely close to me, and when I just ask for a few minutes of someones time, I can't get anything. Wasn't until after the fact that my friends started realizing that something was up. It's ok. I got support...Just not when I needed it. Maybe wanted is the better word.

Maybe I'm selfish. I think I am....
I'll get over it.
The silence hung in the air
For just a moment or two
Then you said goodbye to me
And I said goodbye to you

Moving on. I've got a post in mind for the next one. Giant post, so it may not be up for a while. But I feel like writing it. There are so many people in my life right now that I just couldn't do without. Most of you know who you are. But yea. Stuff. And things.

That's all I got.
LIES! SAY IT! SAY IT!
Obai.
DAMN IT, NOT AGAIN!
But I neglected to mention...

Soldier Side

Welcome to the Soldier Side
Where there's no one here but me

It's time for a break
This isn't good bye
Just for now

People All grow up to die
There is no one here but me

Lady in the water

I hear angels and people
Moving all around me
And I'm stuck here while
I watch them swim to shore
And I can't seem to catch a breath
As I sink down to the bottom
I can only hope to wish for one more

Ohai.

I normally don't do one of these during the day, but it's slowly but surely turning out to be one of those days again. I have two solid days off a week it seems now, and whenever I try to make plans, nothing actually happens for me. Right now, I've spent the majority of my day either sitting on my back deck reading, riding my bike, or killing time on the computer. I keep checking my phone...Hoping that someone will text me saying they want to hang out, but everyone's busy. It happens.

And I hope you all will see because
I hope you all believe
That the lady in the water, she is petrified
Saved me from drowning, and she nearly died
I can't find a reason to save her life
A few easy words
"Can you stay above?"

You narcissistic bastard.

Excuse me? How the hell do you keep sneaking your way back into these?

You're using your own song for your blog. You egotistical little prick!

It is my song, so I think I can use it where I see fit...Fuck off.

Asshole...

That guy needs to stop showing his face around here....Moving on. Only thing I have going on today is a trip to the card shop to play some Yu-Gi-Mons. Got to get ready for Gen Con...The day keeps getting closer and closer. It's quite possibly the only thing I'm looking forward to right now.
Well, that and going back to Purdue...Hopefully for good.
And you can't always get what you wish for
And you can't always get what you need
You can't always get what you want most
You can still hold on and believe
How true, Phil...How true.
Well, I guess we'll see how these next two days go. More than likely they will be wasted, but that's life for you. Maybe I should just ask to work all the time...Hmmm....
As if I didn't not sleep enough already...
Obai.

But a warning to all of those who happen to walk by
This is not their final resting place....

Bad post is bad

-You've be warned-

Marooned again
You were the one the put me into life
Marooned again
You were the one that looked through a satellite

Ohai.

So, I'm trying to stick to posting something on here every day for the next while. Even if it is a bad post, like this one is going to be. I ended up having another attack last night, so I don't really feel like writing too much. Only one thing has been on my mind, but trust me, no way in hell you're getting it out of me.
Don't even try.
I like the way we slept on rooftops in the summertime
If we were all marooned again
I'd give my soul to save you're life

So yeah...That's all I got tonight.

Obai.

Panic Attack

Why do I feel so numb?
Is it something to do with where I come from?
Should this be fight or flight?
I don't know why I'm constantly so uptight.
What an appropriate start.
Ohai.

So I figured I'd share something with you all tonight. I know I usually don't go too in depth into my personal life, and there is a very good reason behind that. Note the word "personal." Meaning, unless you already know what's going on, it's more than likely none of your business, or I just don't want you to know it. None the less, this is something that most people in my life already know about, so I have no problem writing about it. Plus, I've been in need of a solid topic for quite some time now.

I suffer from vertigo attacks. Sometimes small ones, sometimes more serve ones. It's something I've been dealing with for the past while, I'll say about two years now. Some people ask me to try and explain what having an attack like that is.

Spinning
Dizzy
Migraine
More like migraine times ten
Can't even stand on my own
Can't think straight
Can't hardly breathe

Honestly, it's impossible to full explain the feeling that comes over me once I have an attack. Some people who have been around me while I was having an attack have a small idea of what it's like for me at least. To anyone who has had to take care of me while having one of these attacks, I apologize. I know it's not fun, though I am grateful for the help you gave me while it was happening.

Some people also ask what triggers them. It's hard to say that as well. It usually seems to hit when I've been deprived of sleep for a long period of time, when I'm stressing out about stuff, or a combination of those two things. Sometimes it just happens whenever the hell my body feels like fucking with me, but usually one of those two things happens first.

Rabid heartbeat pounding through my chest
Agitated body in distress
I feel like I'm in danger
Daily life is strangled by my stress

I had one last night...I'll be perfectly honest. It was horrendous. The one feeling that I left out when I have one of these attacks...Helplessness. It just consumes me during one of these attacks. I was already having an off night, not sleeping again. Then the attack just hit me out of no where. I couldn't hold my eyes open for fear of throwing up from how hard the room was spinning. Instantly my body's temperature jumped to what felt well over 100 degrees. One thought just kept going through my head...

"I wish you were here..."
"I wish you were here..."

Who is you, exactly? I don't even know.
I wish you were here...
I don't want anyone to worry though. These happen at least once every month or two, and I usually can handle them on my own. Usually I'm at home and in bed, so I can just fall asleep and handle it. Last nights though...That was rough...I eventually passed out from pure dizziness and head pain, thank God. I actually got some sleep...Just not the way I wanted it.

So yeah, kind of depressing blog. But I felt like writing about it. Helps me cope with it. Helps me grow in a sense.

That's all I really wanted to talk about tonight. Sorry for another shitty post. Maybe something interesting will happen soon...Then again, with how work is half the time, maybe not. Oh well. School is soon...Ohhhhhh....There's an idea.....
I'm already scared about that....
Obai.

Octavarium

[Root]
Our deadly sins feel his mortal wrath
Remove all obstacles from our path

[Second]
Asking questions, search for clues
The answers been right in front of you

Ohai.

This is more than likely going to be a puss out blog. There is too much on my mind to make a solid post about anything. Though I feel the need to write anyways. I don't know why, to be honest. Maybe it's because just recently I had another person thank me for blogging? Maybe it's because some people say it's the only way they know what's going on in my head anymore? To those people I have this to say. You have no idea what's going on in my head if you're only reading this blog. You're getting the censored and condensed version that I want everyone to read. Nothing that's actually going on.
None of you can handle the truth...Or I'm a pussy.
Probably the second option...

Are you talking to yourself again?

Get the fuck out! No one invited you!

Ouch...Harsh much?

[Third]
Try to break through, long to connect
Fall on deaf ears and failed muted breath

[Fourth]
Loyalty, trust, faith, and desire
Carries love through each darkest fire

God damn, I need an idea. A passion. A love. I'm starting to get in a rut because I'm stuck in a rut as far as my life goes. Most people call it growing up, or the norm. I would like to think that there is more than just this shit that I've been doing for the past week, but I'm starting to think that there isn't, either. Everyday recently, it's the same thing. Wake up, go to work, come home, try to make plans, everyone's busy, write a blog, go to bed, and repeat. It's almost like being at the factory again, except the going to work part isn't 100% awful. I just...

Ugh...

A group of people I know went to the hookah bar tonight. I wanted to go...So damn bad. I've needed to relax like non other. The whole no sleep thing doesn't help. I didn't have time to go, though. One, I'm living at home, so that means I have to abide by my parents rules. Which aren't by any means harsh or anything, just sometimes annoying. That's parents for you though. Two, I have to go to work tomorrow in the AM...More than likely working a double. So if I can at least get an hour of sleep before then, I'll be good.

[Fifth]
Tortured insanity, a smothering hell
Try to escape but to no avail

[Sixth]
The calls of admirers who claim they adore
Drain all your life blood while begging for more

Two more stanzas...Two more stanzas and you can be done with this crap...

[Seventh]
Innocent victims of merciless crimes
Fall pray to some madmen's impulsive designs

[Octave]
Step after step we tray controlling our fate
When we finally start living, it's become to late
I think that's where I'm at...
So there you go. All that's on my mind. Nothing crazy going on in the mind of Jeff Lipton tonight
Hi, my name is Jeff Lipton...
TRAPPED INSIDE THIS OCTAVARIUM!
and I'm the worst liar in the world.
TRAPPED INSIDE THIS OCTAVARIUM!
But what do you care?
TRAPPED INSIDE THIS OCTAVARIUM!
There' so much more...
I think I should end this now, before it gets out of hand.
That none of you will ever know.
TRAPPED INSIDE THIS OVTAVRIUM!
Just the way I like it.
Obai.

A second try? Sure...

I tried an idea
For no reason
Keep the sun off our shoulders
Crawling back to
-Chevelle

Ohai.

Apparently my last blog post wasn't good enough...So I'm being held at gun point to write another one for tonight. It's going to be hard for me though. Honestly, everything that was on my mind was written in the last one. Well, that's a lie. Everything that I felt like sharing with you was in my last one. But, I guess we're trying this again tonight.

A black out
Touching new life
Face down
Set the pace again

Whooooo....I'm so damn tired right now...But I'm not going to sleep. I won't be able to go to sleep. Like I said, not till total exhaustion hits. Even then, I'll wake up and not be able to sleep. It happens...More often than I'd like to admit. Dreams...Nightmares...Or just total discomfort keeps me awake. You'd think with a water bed I'd be good.
Though with my fucked up thoughts, you'd think otherwise.
I admit it, I'm crazy. No, more than crazy.
More like legally insane...
Been thinking about doing another on of those, "Hi, my name is Jeff Lipton, and I'm..." posts. I can honestly say I had fun writing that post. But it took a shit ton of time to do. Almost a week to just finish it completely. My average blog takes about 30-60 minutes to write...So yeah, I let this thing eat up a lot of my time. Not like I'm doing anything better, other than working.

Again, lots on my mind. But what do you care, right?

Don't take the fall
We'd hate to see
That's entertainment
Get some

Obai.

JCS

Crucify him! Crucify him!

Ohai.

That chant has been in my head ever since I came back from seeing Jesus Christ Superstar at The Calvary United Methodist Church. My friend, Miss Bella, was in it, along with quite a few other people I know, and I promised them all that I would show up to at least one show. It turned out to be a lot better than I was really expecting. The singing was phenomenal, and the stage work was spot on.

Though what really spoke to me was the music. I don't know what it was. The way the songs were written, the way they told the story, I'm not sure. But the most memorable thing from the performance was the music to me. I actually came home, put in my Dream Theater DVD, and am currently listening to Octavarium. I needed a reminder of why I play music.

Call it a dream, call it a fantasy, but I would like to write my own musical one day. Not necessarily a musical in the sense like the one I watched tonight, but like a "rock opera" I guess you could say. I was going to do that with my old bands song, "Riders of the Sky." Still a goal of mine to be honest. But I would want to work with someone like Ben and/or Phil to finish something of that magnitude. The story line I have for it is fairly decent, but too predictable. I want to give it some twists and turns.
Never going to happen. Don't get your hopes up.
There I go again...Rambling. Why are you even still reading this?

Crucify him! Crucify him!

I should start trying to think of solid ideas for these blogs. I was thinking about getting back into the swing of a post everyday. But I feel like I'd be wasting my time along with whoever still reads these. I don't have much to say anymore. I'm just trying to get out of the house as often as I can (to no avail half the time). I may be heading to Texas for an extended weekend here at the end of the month. But that depends on quite a few different factors. Though it would be nice to get away for a while. We'll see I guess.

I started writing out ideas for a few Youtube videos, along with working on getting people together for the first one. I don't want to spoil too much, just in case it doesn't happen, but I will say that if you ever wanted to hear me sing live with a full band...This may be your one and only chance.

Crucify him! Crucify him!

So much more I wish I could say. So much more I want to share. But I'm starting to feel sleep taking over my body. Exhaustion is the only way I can get myself to sleep anymore, and that usually causes me to sleep half the day away...Lovely.
I miss you...Maybe I'll send a text telling you...
Crucify him! Crucify him!
But will it matter?
Ok...I think we get the point...

Obai.

I appoligize

Home is behind
The world ahead

Ohai.
I have no real friends anymore.
So, I'm sorry about that last post. Not the one with the lyrics and the song. That one got me watching the Lord of the Ring movies again. Love those movies. I would almost go so far as to say that they are the best movies ever made.

And there are many paths to tread

But shit was starting to get out of hand as far as this whole situation goes. No, it is out of hand now. It's to the point where there really is nothing I can do but let the people say what they are going to say and hope that people know the truth. Turns out though that most of them don't. I want to clear things up though, right now. I don't know how many people actually read my blog. I think the number right now is at one (maybe even zero at this point.) but I still feel the need to say it here. Hopefully it will spread.

Through shadow
To the edge of night
Here's a little taste of truth for you.
I AM NO LONGER SUICIDAL. I HAVEN'T HAD A THOUGHT LIKE THAT IN WELL OVER A MONTH. I know this doesn't sound like a long time for some people, but for me, it's quite an accomplishment for me. I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING AND I'M NOT ASKING FOR ATTENTION. If anything, it's you who's bringing the attention to me.

Until the stars are all alight.

Moving on.

Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
I still care...I still love.
I've been feeling down in the dumps the past few days. I don't want to go into too much reason why. It's a load of drama that I'm hoping will either get resolved or just blow over. Something in my head says it wont though. Something in my head says that I need to get back to Purdue ASAP. Youtube channel is hopefully going to be started soon again. I finally got editing software that works. So if I start that up again, I'll post the videos here as well for you to watch.

All shall fade
Don't believe me? Give me a chance.
That's all that's on my mind, or at least that I feel like sharing with you.............Why I do these sometimes I wonder. I'm....

All shall...

Obai. And fuck you too.
And no, that's not towards you.
...Fade

Edge of Night

Home is behind
The world ahead
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadow
To the edge of night
Until the stars are all alight
Mist and shadow
Cloud and shade
All shall fade
All shall
Fade

Let's try this again...

Alright, I didn't want to fucking do this. I mentioned this once in my blog, very casually, and that's all I really wanted to do. Didn't want it to be brought up anymore because I didn't want shit to get blown out of proportion anymore than it already was. But once again, people feel the need to attack me as a person. I've said this once before. Maybe not on this blog, but I know I have on my other one. There is only two ways to instantly get on my bad side.

1. Attack my work ethic.

I work very hard and very long hours. So when someone tries to tell me that I'm not a hard worker or something to that effect, I take offense to that. I put way too many hours in places that I work, such as when I worked at Foxcon, or even at Steak 'N Shake, for someone to try to tell me that I don't work hard enough or that I don't do enough work. I work hard so that I can gain the respect of the people that I work with along with my superiors so that I can advance quicker through the work ladder. I've already covered my little thing about money, so I don't need to explain why I like to advance quicker than what would be expected of an average employee.

2. Attack my character.

I know it may not be the best, but I've worked hard to gain the respect and trust that people have in me, friends and family alike. If you go around trashing that in anyway at all, then I take a bit of offense to that. This is because I have to go around trying to convince people otherwise of the shit that has been said about me. I've been doing this now for the past month. I don't know who it is that has been saying all this shit about me, or what your reason is for it. Though, if you read this, which I highly doubt, then please, take up whatever you have to say about me TO ME. I'm tired of people coming up to me asking if I flunked out of school and if I'm just going to be working at Steak 'N Shake for the rest of my life. I'm tired of having to convince people that I'm not gay. I'm tired of trying to convince people that I'm not a liar. Whoever you are, you're better at it than me. I admit to that. You've got just about all of the people I consider my best friends against me. I don't have a solid group of friends anymore because of you. You win.

I didn't want to blog about this...
I fucking didn't...
But you win again....
I can't do this...
So much for sleeping tonight...

Oforget it....

Brown County

Ohai.

Third day in a row? Either I'm getting back into the swing of having more regular posts, have something of actual worth to talk about, or just have that little of a life that I'm actually finding time to write full blogs. If you guessed the last answer, you would be correct. I really need to work on getting out more, even if it's just by myself.

I ended up going to Brown County to visit my Grandma. I always enjoy going down there. If it wasn't so far away, I'd probably be there every weekend. It's just so quiet and peaceful...Out of the way of everything. I like it. We all could use a little quiet every now and then to be honest. Gets me away from this damn computer screen and actually forces me to be outside longer than to just get the mail or something like that.

This is where I start to sound selfish. I apologize in advance. I don't know how many of my friends actually read this crap I call a blog, but I don't mean to attack anyone directly in this next part that I'm about to type.

I know this sounds selfish of me, but I was really hoping to see at least someone other than J.I.T. today, but even he was too busy to see me. It was weird. I really haven't just hung out with anyone in well over a month because of how much I've been working. Now, we've covered the fact that I'm a workaholic, and that I have a thing for money and liking to make it. Though, when I have a day off, I like to spend it in ways that don't include me sitting at home wishing I had plans. All my friends are usually too busy or have already made other plans. Which I really can't blame them for. The weather has been good to us here in Indiana the past few weeks, so I'd be wanting to get out too. It'd just be nice to see some people other than the usual faces sometime soon.

As far as other things go...Youtube channel more than likely won't be happening along with the demo. It's a disappointment, I know. Well, at least to me it is. I won't say that it's not happening, but I will say that if it does happen, it won't be till near the very end of summer. At that point, it will more than likely just be a rushed mess. My tech has just seem to be very busy lately. Plus, with him working thirds all the time, he's usually sleeping during the day, which makes it hard for me to make any solid plans with him for time to record. I really want to get this done. I kind of over hyped "Intervention/Reinvention" here on my blog, along with to a few of my friends. So they're kind of expecting me to get it done. Even God, to whom I've only mentioned the demo to once, asked if it was on my iPod the other day so that we could listen to it at work. Maybe I need to put more time into that rather than these silly blog posts.

Well, that's all I've really got right now. There's a shit ton more on my mind, but I don't feel like boring you with the normal depressing stuff. Maybe another time. Don't see sleep coming anytime soon. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo....Yea.

Obai.

Hello, Human.

Keep writing...
Keep dreaming...
I won't remember this in the morning.
At least I wrote it all down.
Alaska...Alaska...

-Between the Buried and Me

Ohai.
What exactly do you want to say?
Had quite an interesting talk with a new friend of mine. I have to say, he knows how to ask those button pushing questions. Really make you actually dig into your mind to figure out an answer rather than just the typical response you'd want to give.
That you've moved on?
Don't really have anything to say again. I don't have much of a life to be honest. Sucks, but it happens. Only thing I really did today was went to the park for a walk. Ended up getting lost in my own thoughts and walked onto what I thought was a trial. Turned out not to be, and I ended up lost in the middle of the woods with a cell phone that can't last for more than a five minute phone call. Got out fairly easy, but still was an experience, needless to say.
That you still love me?
Work was the typical crap. Nothing new to say about that place. Can't wait to go back to Purdue so I can transfer to a different Steak 'N Shake.
That there is still a chance?
And now here we are. I didn't get to do anything for the fourth again because of work. I hate missing out on the fireworks downtown with the Clarks. It's always a blast with them, plus cookout, shooting off our own fireworks, plus I just have a thing for being downtown. I want to make a trip down there somtime soon. I had a dream about going to the canal with a friend a few nights ago...It was nice to have a dream about something other than the usual nightmare.
That you've given up?
Can barely keep my eyes open right now. Just felt like writing out a few thoughts before I head to bed. Actually have a day off tomorrow, but of course, everyone I really want to see already has plans. Lovely.
Oh, the possibilities, hu?
Obai.

ALL CAPS

Don't unplug me, or just shut me down
Please just love me with your steel heart
I'd reboot you if you'd look at me
Please just love me one more time

Ohai

Another sleepless night for this tired soul. One would assume that after a while my body would just give in and I would crash for a full day. But at any rate...Let's dive right into this shall we.

I feel very unprepared for this. Whenever I do an actual blog post, I do a lot of mental preparation for it. Usually end up thinking about it all day. Right down to the song I'm going to use, what I'm going to cover in the blog itself. Sometimes even the placement of my hidden messages.

Tonight though, I feel like a ComicFire7 video. I don't really have a plan for this. I've got ideas. Nothing really solid or that could be called a blog post on it's own. So I'm just going to say whatever comes to mind and run with it. First thing is that I was caught off guard by something the other day. I had a friend of mine actually THANKED me for blogging. Gave them the inspiration they needed to get through a tough patch in their life, and also the inspiration to start blogging themselves. This at first struck me as odd. My blogs usually aren't anything worth reading in my opinion. It's just my cluster fucked thoughts thrown onto a word document for the world to see. Though to know that someone actually appreciates what I do on this site...To be honest, it was the upper that I have needed for quite some time. I feel motivated. I want to try to do more regular actual posts, and less like the last two.

Though sometimes you just have to get that little thought out before it eats you alive.
Even if the thought isn't so little.
I'm beginning to wish I didn't have a job anymore. I wish it was like a Mario game. I would just have to run around, collect some coins off the ground, maybe eat a couple mushrooms along the way, and I'd be all good. I'm ever so grateful to have a job at all. I know of a handful of people who wish that they had jobs, but can't find one, especially this late into the summer. The only problem I have is that I don't really have too much free time anymore. I find myself alone quite a bit. Usually just sitting at home, doing stuff around the house, or a new favorite activity of mine, driving to the park with my iPod and camera and just having some me time for a while. I'm going to try to get out a little more as the summer comes closer and closer to an end, but I guess how much of a life I have is up to Kamila at this point.

And after how bad I pissed her off today, I don't think I'll be seeing outside those four walls anytime soon.

Really wish I had something of worth to say... I feel like all I do is ramble on these. Oh well. I finally got my computer fixed, and now it can actually run video editing software software. Seems too little too late though. I don't know if I actually have the drive to do a Youtube channel anymore. It would be cool, don't get me wrong. Maybe once I get back to Purdue I'll do something with it full time. Looking back, though, I had a list of things that I was going to do with the channel. I suppose rather, a list of things that I was going to do in general with this summer. A grand total of none of those things have been done. I'm such a slacker, hu?

That's all I've got for now really. I'm tired...And I've got to work through what is one of my favorite holidays tomorrow. The fourth of July. We usually as a family go spend it with a family friend downtown, have a huge cookout, light off our own fireworks, then watch the downtown ones. The past three years I haven't been able to do it though because of work. This year is no different. I sometimes hate that place.

I just got the memo about this upgrade to version two.
It removes extraneous programs that needs emotions
Like loving you
I don't wanna lose myself or ever say goodbye
I wanna hold on to my consciousness I don't
Want to die
I'm in the same boat...I just don't know how. Or if you even want to hear it.
I'm sure you don't.
Obai.

It's 4:03...and I can't sleep...

Sometimes, I said sometimes
I go crazy
Like I'm crazy
It takes patience
Lots of patience
Then it's over
Fuckin' over

Ohai.

Can't sleep once again. Though. what else is new, really. Drifted off, stayed off for awhile, but jerked awake, and now can't find a way to get back to sleep. I want to text some people...But really...who else is going to be up at almost five in the morning.

Don't worry. I'm not going to sit here and bore you with what's going through my head or anything else like that tonight. Just thought I'd write a short second post. These things always make me sleepy anyways. Not like I need the extra sleep though. Got no plans tomorrow. No one seems to know how to text back anymore.

I look at the sky,
Faded
I read the stars

You know what? I am going to make some use of this time. Though no one reads this blog (or at least no one who's involved in this little situation) I'm just going to say this now. Quit the shit being said about me. You all know as well as I do that none of it is true, and quite frankly, some of it is just plain immature to even assume is true and shouldn't even be spread around in the first place.

But that's Brownsburg for you, I suppose.

Maybe I don't know
How many people are starving
In this world
Long
Gone

I swear, if I take this trip to Texas, you'll have to drag me against my will to get me back home.

Obai.

Scars on Broadway

I smacked your face
You fell in love when I said
"Fuck your mom!"
I looked at you said
"It's all over"
I turned around and
Walked away, and you just
Grabbed my arm
I looked at you said
"I can't stay sober"

Ohai.

Yes, I know, weird song choice. Not really caring at this point though. No one song really describes the many thoughts that are going through my mind at this current time. I spent the other night on the roof, then started to write what I consider one of my longest blog posts yet. Not quite sure when/if I'll finish it. But oh well.

Come eat some chemicals with me. Come eat some chemicals.

Madness
Feeling scared
Looking around and nobody there
When I say
"Fuck the world, let's get ready to rock."
As I piss on your face
While you suck on my cock

Today at work, I was the bun bitch. Yeah, great position title, hu? (No wonder people are spreading the rumor around that I'm actually gay.) It felt like I was back at the factory again. Working with someone would can't speak good English, no one to talk to, just me and my thoughts. A friend of mine wanted me to go with them to the canal today, but obviously I had to go to work. Really wish I could have gone. Would've been nice to see her smile.

Oh maybe baby, won't you rape me
Won't you fantasize
About the time when we were lovers
I try to phone you
Try to warn you but no compromise
I grab your ass under the covers.

Think I'm going on the roof again tonight. Maybe just go to bed. Fairly easy shift tomorrow. Off at four. Maybe I'll try to make plans with her? Or him? Or them?

Oh, the adventures we have.

Come eat some chemicals with me. Come eat some chemicals.

Obai.