Wait..... What???

I was with my OLS 284 class from this semester. I don't know exactly where we were, but we were in some sort of stadium were some sort of convention was being held. I was sitting in an upper balcony with my class. Suddenly, a band comes on stage, and I have a mic in my hand. From the top of the balcony, I start singing/screaming the song "Needled 24/7" by Children of Bodom. The problem is, during the song, at points, my voice makes no noise at all, and I can tell the band is getting pissed, even though they're actually on stage and I'm up in a balcony. After the song, I sit down, and suddenly the mic is now an electric razor. I don't know what happens next, but apparently, I get bored and start EATING THE ELECTRIC RAZOR. I don't know how... But I'm able to eat the thing. Then we're leaving and we all get in a bus. While driving away, though, my instructor just decides to get out of the bus (he was driving) and let himself get run over by the bus as it moved forward. I then climb into the front seat and start to drive the bus into I don't know what direction.

And then I woke up.

The sword and the pen

Don't let me out of this kiss
Don't let me say what I say
The things that scare us today
What if they happen someday
Don't let me out of your arms
For now

Ohai.

Long time no talk, my friends. Or friend. I don't know how many people read this after my last two posts. Well, let me explain. The one post has Between the Buried and Me lyrics that I was going to use for my song of the blog, but I got lazy, so I just posted the lyrics and let it be. Then, the second post was just me being curious. I got some very insightful input as to what I should do with this post, along with a challenge from a friend of mine. Guess we'll see how that works out for them in the end. But anyways, let's get on to today's main topic, shall we?

What if the sword kills the pen
What if the God kills the man
And if he does it with love
Well then it's death from above
And death from above is still a death

So, if you know me, you know that I really don't like to get into confrontation too much. I hate what it does to certain people, and after living who I lived with last year, confrontation became something that I just couldn't really do anymore. There are, though, a few topics that when brought up, I will speak my peace, and then usually let it be. One of these topics is, as no surprise, music. Me being a musician, I get pretty caught up when it comes to music discussions. And ever since last year, I've gotten a more diverse taste in my music. This continues to confuse some people since I can go from listening to Dream Theater, to Ke$ha, and then back to Enter Shikari all in one playlist. A few days ago, a friend of mine posted a video of a bunch of guys doing a version of Lady Gaga's Bad Romance. Granted, the video was good for a laugh. It's the comment he added with the video that frustrated me.

"These guys are more talented than Lady Gaga could ever hope to be. It doesn't take too much to sound better than her, hu?"

I don't want to live without you
I don't want to live without you
I don't want to live
I don't want to live
Without you

Now... This comment made me mad for many reasons. The reason why he said that is because he personally just doesn't like her music. I proceeded to post a video of her doing the same song, but the acoustic version of it using only her voice and the keyboard. Rather than being a pop song, the song ends up being more of a progressive jazz song. To deny the fact that she had talent would honestly mean that you don't know what music is, even if you didn't like her music. But, he continued to try and tell me that she had no talent just because he didn't like how the song turned out. He then also tried to tell me that Michal Jackson had no talent either.

Oh, here is where things get good.

For those who still can recall
The desperate colors of fall
The sweet caresses of May
Only in poems remain
No one recites them these days
For the shame

Now, I'm not going to lie. I'm not the biggest fan of Michal Jackson's music. There was always just something about his voice that set me off about a large portion of his songs. Though, the music and the lyrics are nothing to look down at. He was extremely talented at what he did and built himself a legacy around his music. To deny that would also be ridiculous. And the fact that he tried to tell me that Michal Jackson had no talent actually angered me for some reason. I don't understand how someone who thinks that he is going to try to manage a shitty local band is going to tell me that a musical genius like him has no talent.

Then I stooped to "his" level.
Who's level, you ask?
So what if nothing is safe
So what if no one is saved
No matter how sweet
No matter how brave
What if each to his own lonely grave
That's between me and no one.
I proceeded to tell him that they had more talent than half of the bands out there today has, especially more than his favorite band, Blink 182, does. Now, I understand that was a bit of a low blow on my part, so I'm going to rephrase what I said back then. I'm not going to deny that Blink 182 was part of a big movement of punk rock back in the day. The problem, though, is that a large portion of their material sounds the same. Some of the older songs even sound very similar to their newest material. This isn't a bad thing, though. Going back to your roots is always a good thing to do as a band. But there is a different between applying similar ideas and using the exact same chords with a slightly different melody. Again, this was a bit of a low blow on my part, and I will apologize for that. Though he got all defensive and tried to tell me about all of the other bands and different genres of music that he listens to and tried to make himself sound all intelligent and stuff. In the end, he just kind of made himself sound like a jerk, though I'm sure I did the same by starting the conversation to begin with.

I don't want to live without you
I don't want to live without you

Moral of the story... I need to keep my mouth shut more often. Less annoying shit happens that way.

I don't want to live
I don't want to live
Without you

Obai.

Legit question

Would you care if I deleted this blog all together?
I'm just curious.
Actually answer me if so.
I kinda have a desire to do it, and I kinda don't.
I guess it's up to you guys.

One week

That's about how long I give this blog before I take it down for good.
That is all.

At least I wrote it all down.

Ohai.



I'm fucking delirious right now
Glorious evening of nodding and jump starts
I need to make a personal dance party
The brain works very weird at this hour
Not the best time for lyrics
I suppose



Keep writing
Keep dreaming
Nope, can't be awake and dream
Drifting in and out, in and out



Eye motions, in out, heat lightning
Scares us both
The only two people awake at this fucking hour
I won't remember this in the morning
At least I wrote it all down
Please pick the right song
The one that keeps the eyes wide



Creepy...Creepy...Creepy
Yes, creepy
The idea of control
Controlling death with alertness
When is the fucking sun coming up
The ideal of control
Yes, Creepy
Controlling death with alertness



Then it all changes
Same scenery but sun involved
Shouldn't be much different
Alaska, Alaska



Tick tock tick tock
The rain is pouring now
Wide awake
At least for now
Nature can be the death of me
A thing we'll never overcome
In..out...in...out...



Obai.

Oh really?

Ohai.

I AM CANNIBAL!
I love you
I've had an awesome weekend.
I really needed this.
Relaxing.
Just hanging out with the two coolest people I know.
This needs to happen more.
Just throwing that out there.
I warned you
I AM CANNIBAL!

Rawr.

Obai.

Anything can happen...

His eyes are locked on her
Her eyes are fixed elsewhere
He's confident, but he's unaware she doesn't care
Their only connection is the silence they both grasp
He's lost control, but she's unaware
Of his stare

Ohai.

Where were we when we last talked? Oh yeah, I was going to go more in depth with you about the latest dream I've been having lately. This one could be fun. Haha. The last dream that I had was....Well, if you really care to read about it, it's in a post from a few months ago. If you really feel like digging for it, go for it. I'm not going to rehash an old dream. Granted, the little nightmare likes to pop it's head again every so often, but that's really beyond the point. You're here to read about this newer and more frequent dream.

Everything seems to intimidate him
With the strobe lights flashing
Her body's jolting
But cracking as his eyes
Split in two
If only she knew

Starts off with me in my parents room, taking a picture of myself in front of the mirror. I was so afraid that the outfit that I was wearing wasn't dressy enough, or too dressy. I end up staying with what I was wearing, and head over to her place to pick her up. After getting her, we head downtown. That alone is a chore because I'm directionally retarded. Finally reaching the play house, early at that, we just sit outside and speculate on how good the play will actually be.

The curtain goes down
on him again
The curtain goes down
on them again

I never actually dream about the play. Weird. It just skips right to when we go to dinner.

Then it skips again. Going right to when we go to my house. It's weird. I remember those two things better than anything in my actual mind, but when I have this dream...Nothing. Anyways...

Everything seems to be closing in on her
It feels just like she is being haunted
But it's alright, it's ok
She's unaware of his stare

I'm going to purposely leave the last part of my dream out. This is because I usually wake up at some point during this part, or if I do make it all the way through, it's not something I really feel the need to share with you. Though it ends with me dropping her off at her house, her trying to walk out of the car, and me stopping her, saying,

"I only counted 99"

Awwww...How fucking sappy.

What does this dream mean? Is there any meaning behind it at all? Maybe. Maybe not. Oh well. I think that's enough for one night, though. I think I'm gonna turn in soon. Night world.
Love you...:P
Obai.

P.S.

Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world...

Hectic

To the multi story car park
With out friends
Drinking from a bottle
Of white lightning
On top of marks and sparks
Roof running
Smoking
Chronic
Hectic!

Ohai.

So. Hi. I guess? I'm not exactly sure how this one will go over, so you'll have to forgive me in advance. I really don't have much to write about at the moment. Well, that's a lie right off the start. I need to be more honest with you people. We've been talking for quite a while now, and I still feel the need to lie to you. Why is that? Maybe I'm afraid to let you know what I'm actually thinking. Or better yet, let actual people know what I'm thinking. Who knows the real reason, really. 75% of what I write on here is total bullshit anyways. You always have to read between the lines to find out what I'm really getting at anyways.

And it seems that
Nothing now will ever change
And it seems that
We're on our own again

So the other night, I got into a conversation with my archenemy. I have to say, it's been quite a while since we've sat down and had an actual talk. I've really missed that closeness with someone, being able to share just about anything and everything with them and not have to worry about being judged or ridiculed. The problem is, I wasn't able to share everything. I so wanted to. It was right on the tip of my tongue. Five more minutes...That's all I would've needed, more than likely. Though to be honest, not that it really mattered. My Archenemy can read me like a book. I'm pretty sure they knew what I was thinking. And that sucks... The reason being is that it doesn't matter anymore. Not really, at any rate. I'm just glad that I have my best friend back. I've missed them.

We'll convene at mine 3PM to play Sega Megadrive
Axe and Sonic all day
Never played it?
Can't hack it?
Whilst Pendell's making rhymes in the corner

Are you confused with what I'm saying? Good. That's how I like it anyways.

With a litre of finest Scrumpy Jack
Whilst PDEX pumps out the latest big club track
We'll take it to Justin's and his is King Kong
Then we'll gather round the piano for a little sing song

Sooooooooooo...Anything else? Anything at all? Well, I'm planning a trip to visit a few friends this weekend, but at the moment it's been put on hold. I need to figure out what's going on with that. That'll determine what I end up doing for the whole weekend in general. I'd really like to have plans. Just sayin. I need an escape from my douche of a roommate, and going and visiting her would be fantastic. I'm pretty sure we haven't seen each other in quite a while...Too long, for sure. Tomorrow...I have a fairly short day, so I'm going to go smoke some hookah. I've needed a reason to just chill out and be alone with my thoughts for a while. I may bring my computer and blog while doing so. That would be a fun one.

Oh if I could kidnap that feeling
The one that melts all fear's from your mind
I'd make no demands, no ransom
'Cause I'd never set it free

What? You're still confused? Wow. You're more stupid than me. Maybe I'll rewrite the other blog some other time. Not tonight, though. I'm just not feeling it. I've had quite the crummy day, and I've been looking around, hoping to see some smiling face to cheer me up. It just seemed to be a terrible hump day for everyone. No one could even fake a smile. School, man. It just takes the best of us and drains us. Not to mention the one's who work on top of that. I couldn't keep up with it, that's for sure. I envy those who are able to, for sure. But...For the time being, that's all I've really got. I know, you were expecting a little more information. Well, I was honestly hoping to tell you more. I can't do it, though. Like I said, not now. Not till I get a few things straightened up. The truth isn't going to be coming out first on here, of all places. Just sayin

And it seems that
Nothing now will ever change
And it seems like
We're on our own again
No shit, right?
Obai.

Pavlov's Daughter

Ohai.

The grave diggers getting stuck in the machine
Picking getting slim, slimmer
I hear them say my name
Regina, Regina, Regina, a...a...

It's a lazy night tonight. The kind of night where I feel the need to try and get something done, but everytime I start something, I put it off and go back to a state of doing nothing. This blog may be a bit of a different one for me, so forgive me. But then again, when do I really have a "normal" blog anymore? Thinking further, what is a "normal" blog for me? That's too deep of thinking for tonight...Let's move on.

Yes I'm putting the boulder to my ear
And I still can't hear
What do you think I was an amateur
Playin' with my temperature

I'm a handful of meetings away from actually having a major and back into having an actual drive and motivation for life rather than the one that I have right now. That being that if I don't choose a major soon, I'm going to get left behind while everyone else moves on. I can't wait to actually make a decision. I kind of want to rush and just choose OLS for sure, but I need to make sure it's going to be something that I'll be able to do. More so, I want to make sure that it's something that I'm going to enjoy and be able to make a good living with. Sucks that money has to be such a big deal, but that's just the way it goes. Plus, if I do go OLS, I'll have a handful of internships that I could do when the time called for it already lined up. I knew there was a reason I was staying with my job for as long as I have. It may finally be paying off.

If I hear another song about angels
If I see another feather on the dumb box
I'm gonna go to Babylon and get me some whiskey

Though I don't know if this doesn't replace the fact that I haven't got a raise since I've started working there. $7.50 an hour.....Blah.

My name is Lucille and I know how you feel
I live downstairs
I hear you taking out your garbage
I hear you loving your girlfriend
I hear you loving yourself too

Other than that, nothing much else going on with me. Life is reached another fairly boring part. School takes up so much more time than I'd like, but I have to not loose my focus this year. I don't want to dig myself into an even deeper hole than I did, to the point where there may be no return. I've got a handful of friends that have really be motivating and pushing me to do my best, and I have to thank them for everything they've done for me. I don't know where I would be without those people. I'm going to make it to the top, this I'm sure of.

I hear you flushing your toilet
I hear you turning you thoughts off
I turn mine off too
The only thing I hear is you
And you don't sound nice, and you don't sound good

One think that's been eating at me...It really shouldn't, but it's one of those things that you can't help but get upset about. I can't really talk too much about it on here because I don't know who still reads this thing anymore, and if the wrong person reads this, they'll twist everything that I say into something completely different, like they always seem to do. Long story short, most of my old band has gotten back together, minus me and the old singer. The funny thing is, and no one can deny this, the only reason we ever go anywhere was because of the singer we had. The only reason he didn't put his all into the band at the time was because he really did not care for one of the members in the band. So that's why he went on to the other band he was in for a while. Though, to see them getting back together brings back some memories. Hope they actually do something decent. Me and Phil have gotten together and started playing music again, even started writing some stuff. So I'm really hoping that me and him get something going again.

Pavlov's daughter woke up in the morning
Heard the bell ring
And something inside of her made her want to salivate
So she lay there drooling on her pillow
So she lay there
The sun skimming her skin

I need a new release for my muse. This whole blogging thing is really getting old, anyways. I'm seeing people use them for such childish things, and it makes me disappointed. Granted, I don't have too much room to talk. I used to do the same thing with mine, even sometime still do. But really? I just want to do a constant facepalm when I read some of the stuff that people post on these. Some people just come to them to cry, some of them come and talk above everyone else, others just talk in riddles so they confuse everyone they know. Again, I'm in no way saying that their is a certain way that someone should write a blog. I guess I just don't like games. If you are going to say something, be straight forward with it.
Or if anything, use hidden messages.
And it was far away and hazy like a dream
Not a dream, not a dream
But the ocean, not the ocean
But forever...

Alright, I think that's enough for one night. I need to head to bed soon, anyway. I've got a long week coming up. I'm really looking for a get away this weekend. I may try to see what the archenemy is up to, or if anything, stay at a friends apartment or something.
Miss you
I hear you turning your thoughts off
And I turn mine off too
The only thing I hear is you

Obai.

So about last night...

Ohai.

Soooooooooooooooooooooo...Last night...Yeaaaaaaaaaa...

Actually, yeah, that's enough.

Obai.

There's something in the air...

Ooooohai.

Go tell all your friends
That this is the end
Go tell all your friends
That this is the end

Uuuuuggghh...I'd imagine that this is what a hangover feels like. I've never been drunk enough to get one the morning after, but I'm pretty sure that this is a close enough feeling to it. I ended up never going to sleep last night, so I just sat there in bed with my own thoughts. Usually, I'm not willing to talk about what's on my mind, but last night, I was willing to answer any questions and talk about anything. I'm not sure why, but I was an open book. But no one seemed to want to talk, or everyone else had their own stuff to deal with, or they were asleep. Most of them being the last option, seeing that the time that this was happening was around two-three in the morning.

I can't understand a word you're saying
What are the crowds running from
There's something in the air tonight
Something is wrong, SPIT IT OUT
I was willing to last night
For anyone who actually sat through and listened to me for a short while, I'm sorry. I was really out of my mind last night. I think I just need to take a step back and think about a few things before I make any serious actions.

I just feel from the mothership
They said that
Your answers were always lying on the ocean bed

This is a much shorter one than last night, but after one like last night, I'm surprised that there even is a new one.

And I'll scream with a thousand voices
I am sane...
I am sane...
Bullshit.
Obai.

Roy C. what's your thesis?

Ohai.

I've drank three Monsters, I have the shakes, and I feel like shit. Let's write a blog, shall we? Sounds like perfect writing conditions. So how are all of you people doing this evening? Hopefully better than me...Haha. I'm pretty much on the border of illegal insanity right now. Just sayin.

So anything new with you? No? Nothing? Wow...You lead a more boring life than me. I had an awesome experience today. And by awesome, I mean I wanted to punch a fucker in the face experience. I've been trying to change the way I act around people so that I come off as less socially awkward right off the bat. I'm not that hard to get to know really, it just takes me longer than I would like to come out of my shell to most people. Apperantly, though, I really am failing at this. I had a newer friend of mine today legit ask me if I was gay. Now, don't get me wrong. I have nothing against the gay community by any means. You choose how to live your life, just don't do that shit around me. But when I, once again, got asked this and really meant it, I got pissed. Well, maybe pissed is the wrong word, but I was legit offended by them asking this. I don't think that I come off that way to people, but I guess I was wrong as far as that goes. It looks like I'm going to have to try to re-image myself once again. Seriously, maybe this is why I always end up in the best friend zone. Not a bad place to be, don't get me wrong. It just sucks. Sucks so hardcore. I want to move past that, or find someone who will love me like she used to. Haha. Yeah right. What a load of horse shit. I am who I am, and I'm pretty sure that no one finds that attractive. I mean hell, half of the people I know seem to think that I'M GAY. Fuck me sideways. Just sayin...

First semester of school is almost done, and I have the list of majors that I'm considering limited down to a select few. The only that is left to do is set up meeting with academic advisers and decide on which major would be good for me. One of them will pay good even if I were to choose to stay in Indy, while the other pays more if I move out of state. Both sound fairly appealing, and the pay for both of them isn't too shabby either coming out of college. My number one concern is if I'm going to be happy doing what I do. Oh, and if I'll be able to understand the work that I'm doing.

Does it sound like I'm ADD tonight? Well, you can thank the Monster for that. Or, I guess Monsters...Second one is almost down. First one came back up. YAY! MOVING ON!!!

I've been thinking about things a lot lately. I gotta say, I'm starting to think about the past way more than I should. I have a certain few people to thank for that, though. Trying to tell me how I should have done things and how things would be different if I made smarter choices. Who are you people to judge my past? I've been getting pissy at people a lot this week, and I'm sorry if you are one of them. But jezz....My "best friend" was reminding me of everything and telling me how he liked the old me. Really? Really? You liked the me who wanted to kill himself every fucking day? No, he was referring to the me back in February. Yeah, I like that me too. But here's the deal. That me isn't coming back. Not for a while, at any rate. I wish it could, believe me. I wish I was that happy again. But with the stress of school on my back right now, it's not happening for a while. So pardon me if I have to fake a smile and a wave to keep everyone else happy, but that's how things are going to have to be done.

Wow. After reading each thing, I kinda question if I'm going to even leave this up anymore.

I'm tired of my friends lying to me as well. I try to be there for my friends whenever I can be, though I don't martyr myself as much as I used to over things. But I hate hate hate hate hate HATE when my friends lie to me. Seriously. Only thing that pisses me off. Other than stupid people, but we'll get to that in a second.

Actually, let's get to that now. I really don't feel like talking about that anymore. I had a handful of religious talks this week, and OH BOY do I love those. I watched a video about an abortion clinic and people protesting in front of it, along with a few other topics. These kind of talks really get me fired up, but also gets me thinking about life in general. Fun stuff, let me tell you. I don't believe in any sort of religion at this point in my life, though I hope to one day, to be honest. It just sickens me to see how people behave when put in these situations. I mean really, saying it was your daughters fault because she got raped and then calling her a slut? What the hell is wrong with people like this? I mean, I know they are one in a dozen, but the fact that they still exist makes me question religion as a whole.

Sooooooooooo yeah. I realize this blog is way different than my normal, and I'm pretty sure that none of it makes sense to anyone but me. But I'm going to post this anyways. These are literally my uncensored thoughts. Take them as you will. But don't twist them. Otherwise, we're all fucked.

Just sayin.
Roy C. what's your thesis?
Obai.
I DON'T FUCKING BELIEVE IT!

Just for the record...

Ohai.

I'm here to pose a quick question, and then I'll be on my way.

And yes, I'm aware no one will read this and I don't care. I guess it's my own way of figuring out the answers to my own questions.

But to the question...Why is it that I put myself out there for people, defend them left and right, listen to them when they need someone, and go out of my way to be the best friend I can be for people, but when I need someone to just talk to...to just get ideas in my head flowing...it seems no one can give me the time of day?

Just wondering.

Obai.

The Red

They say freak
When you're singled out
The red
It filters through

Ohai.

I'll be honest, I'm keeping this one short. I've been feeling in the dumps lately. Last night I had to walk home from work. It was really cold outside, and I'm pretty sure that I caught a bug from it. I'm still feeling kinda groggy and out of it, but I make it through the day one way or another.

So lay down
The threat is real
When his sight
Goes red again

I need a serious pick me up. That's all I have to say. I miss hanging out with people...Long late night skype calls, running around the laundry room pantless.........Ok maybe not the last one. But you get what I'm getting at. I wish I had a car, or that everyone just lived closer.

This change, he won't contain
Slip away, to clear your mind
When asked who made it show
The truth, he gave in to most

That's all. This week is going to suck. I haven't said this in...maybe almost a year. But damn do I need a hug.

Obai.
Rawr?
Seeing red again
Seeing red again
Seeing red again
Seeing red....

I'm sure your jaw will surely be missed.

Where's your respect
Why bite the hand that feeds you
It's not over yet
Plenty more fingers for you to nibble

Ohai

It's been a stressful couple of days in my neck of the woods. Class work is the same, normal work was the same, and stupid friends being stupid were the same. You would think that after a while, things would begin to change, but they never really do. You learn to become accustomed with the stuff, and it becomes your own personal "normal." I love my friends, but sometimes, shit can get kind of crazy. Just throwing that out there.

I'd like to see you get your teeth round this
I'm sure your jaw will surely be missed
BITCH! Lulz.
So I'm actually fairly excited because I think I've finally decided what I want to major in now. OLS. It's kind of hard to explain because the major really fits with so many different things. The best way to put it is that it's the people side of business rather than the number crunching side. It's really awesome, actually. I've already taken one class of it last year, and I'm taking another class this year. So far, I can honestly say that I actually enjoy these classes, the course work, and the material covered in these classes. I think what made it so that I knew I wanted to take this major on was when I watched a presentation about OLS in my GS 119 class. The major just seems perfect for me. Before I solidify anything, though, I need to make a few other meetings to see about specifics about the major. You have no idea how exciting it is to finally know what it is I want to do with my life.
Best I've felt in forever.
Not even salt can make your hands taste good
I'm still crunching your lifeline
Not even salt can make your hands taste good
I'm still crunching your lifeline
Well, almost, anyway.
Oh, and did I tell you I quit my current job? Yepp. Well, quit is a wrong word. I asked to be put back on academic leave s0 that I could still work at my home store during the summer and stuff like that. It's not that the store was bad or anything like that. With no real form of transportation to get to and from there other than my own two feet, and with it being further away that I originally thought, there was no way that I could continue working there and going to school as often as I do. It was fun working there, don't get me wrong. And I've made enough money to last me the rest of the school year. I just wish they didn't make me feel like I was doing something wrong by saying I couldn't work anymore...

You do this every fucking time
No sweat, no tears, no guilt
You do this every fucking time
No sweat, no tears, no guilt

Oh, and another thing...Eh. Nevermind.
What's the point, really?
Lifeline...Lifeline...Lifeline
Blood fills your palms

I think that's all I've really got for you this time. Classes start soon for the day, and I got to find sometime to get to a place with free Wi-Fi so I can get my Mew off of HeartGold. I'm such a nerd, I know. I'm ok with it though.

Do this one more time
And I'll bite your fucking fingers off

Violent, much?

Obai.

Lame post

Ohai.

Figured I'd give you guys something for tonight, so here are some lyrics I wrote a long time ago. Nothing special, but it had me thinking about this person for quite a while. Hmmm...Anyways, enjoy.
Thinking about how much I fail
two broken souls
wondering down the same beaten path
meet face to face
for the very first time
I look at her and cant find the words
she smiles at me and laughs at my charm
and then


And with her hand over my heavy heart
she took my breath away
And with a smile upon her face
I feel


alone, all alone now
he stands at her side
and sees her pain
he knows where shes been
he thinks to himself
dear god what can i do
and then


And with his hand over her heavy heart
he took her breath away
And with a smile upon her face
she feels
alive

Obai.

Three wishes? Damn...

I can finally see
That you're right there
Beside me

Ohai

Short song, short post. I'm just getting right to the chase. For one month, starting today, I'm going to try as hard as I can to make a post everyday on this blog. If I can make it the month, we'll do six months, and if I can do that, we'll go a full year. I don't know how this will actually go, but I finally have started to enjoy writing these things again.
Well, to some extent, anyway.
If anything, it gives me a way to vent. It gives my mind a chance to go through all the fucked up shit that's happening in my head and try to figure out what it means. Like this dream that I keep having over and over. I can't figure out why, but for the past two weeks now (Yes, it's been two weeks) I've been having this dream, among a few other nightmares. It's starting to affect my sleeping patterns. I don't want to go into any real detail here, but hopefully I can at least figure out what these dreams mean eventually.
June 27, 2010
I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you

You know what I desperately need, Owl City? A chill night with a beer and a good friend where I can just relax. No school stress, no friend stress, no drama stress. Just relax. To be honest, I've been very fortunate. I haven't had to deal with drama in the longest time, and I love it.

...I swear to god, if I just cursed myself by saying that....

So, that's it for today. I think an early bed time is in order. I can actually feel my body trying to pass out right now.

I am not my own
For I have been made new
Please don't let me go
I desperately need you

Obai.

As we stand at the edge of the world...

Fade in, start the scene
Enter beautiful girl
But things are not what they seem
As we stand at the edge of the world
Bad song choice?
Ohai.

Soooo...It seems that everyone is starting their blogs back up again. I've said this before, but I love getting inside the minds of other people, seeing what's really going on in their heads rather than what they try to trick people into believing. Sad that through these post are the only way I can do it sometimes, but that's what happens when no one trusts anyone anymore. Including myself, but that's beyond the point.

Excuses me sir
But I had plans to die tonight
Oh, and you are directly in my way
And I bet you're gonna say it's not right.
My reply...

Girl, back the fuck away from that ledge.
What is you, stupid?!

....Sorry. My inner black.

Last night was a bit of an eye opener for me. My iPod decided that it hated me and wanted to bring back some memories that I kind of wish would just go away. Two songs in particular, it played at least two or three different times back to back. These songs bring up a time where I almost wanted to kill myself, and a time where I was the happiest I had been in what felt like years. Granted, some of those memories I don't want to forget, If anything, they helped me become the more solid person that I am today. It just was a bit of a trip down memory lane. And to be honest, I cried. I cried for the first time in months. It felt good....But damn I really do miss some of those times...

Eh, you win a few, you lose alot.
Or if you're me
Excuse me miss
But do you have the slightest clue
Exactly what you just said to me
And exactly who you're talking to.
You lose them all
She said I don't care
You don't even know me
I said I know
But I'd like to change that soon
Hopefully

So...Something to write about...Anything to write about.........I've got nothing. Seriously. Only thing on my mind right now is fall break and what I'll be doing. May be heading off to go visit ClaraBella like I promised her I would. Should be a fun time if I do. Was thinking about going and seeing my Archenemy, but she's heading off to Florida for the weekend. Lucky bitch.

Yeah, we all flirt
With the tiniest notion
Of self conclusion
In one simplified motion
You see the trick is that
You're never supposed to act on it
No matter how unbearable
This misery gets
Meh...
So I've been thinking more and more about what I want my major to be. And to be honest...One idea has come to mind. But then I remember that I actually want to make money and get somewhere in the world. So that idea goes away. Then another comes, and goes. And it's just a never ending process it seems. I don't think I'm ever going to find a major or a career that I'll actually enjoy and make enough money to live the lifestyle that I have in mind. Nothing flashy or vibrant or anything. Hell, I'll more than likely live by myself for the longest time. I just want to live comfortably. Is that too much to ask for? Apperantly in this day and age it is.

I would be lying if I said that things would never get rough
And all this cliche motervation
It can never be enough
I could stand here all night
Trying to convince you
But what good would that do
My offer stands and
You
Must
Choose

Other than that, I've been staying true to the things that I said in my last blog. I've been eating healthier, working out a little bit, and staying away from most, if not all, of my nerd stuff. My bro has all of my Yu-Gi-Oh cards back home, so the only thing I have here is my DS and my Pokemon game. Only think I want to do is go shopping for some new clothes sometime soon. I could use a new look. I'm kinda tired of the old me, and it obviously doesn't work. Or whatever.
I don't know. I think I'm just kinda bored with the old me. Meh. Lots to think about...Never enough time....

Alright you win
But I only give you one night
To prove yourself to be better than
My attempt at flight
I swear to god if you hurt me
I will leap
I will toss myself from these very cliffs
And you'll never see it coming.
Damn right, you won't.
So yeah...I honestly don't have much more to say. Maybe I'll come up with something better later tonight and write another blog. I mean, it's only 11. I won't go to bed till early anyways. My mind is constantly racing, especially after last night. I also had a nightmare...Same one from a few months ago. Haven't had that dream in forever, but I have the songs to thank for that, I'm sure.

Settle precious
I know what you're going through
Cause ten minutes before you got here
I was gonna jump too.
Yepp...Bad song choice....
Obai.
So much for sleep tonight.

Uprising

Paranoia is in bloom
The PR transmissions will resume
They'll try to push the drugs that keep us all dumbed down
And hope the we will never see the truth around
So come on...
Ohai.

Welcome back.



I know, I know. I feel the same way whenever I go to write one of these. :P

I'm going to try to keep these going again. This time I mean it. This time, I mean everything that I say. Looking back at my past, I've said a lot of things that I didn't mean. But that is one thing that I plan on changing. I'm going to become a better person in general. To be frank with you, I'm not very fond of myself, and only a handful of people in my life can actually tolerate with my day to day crap. I can't blame them either. But that will change. I'm becoming an overall better person for myself
And for you...
Now is just the matter of actually doing it.

Another promise, another scene
Another packaged lie to keep us trapped in greed,
And all the green belts wrapped around our minds
And endless red tape to keep the truth confined
So come on...
A bit of a side note. Is may not be recording my demo anymore. Instead I may be joining what I consider to be the most talented local band that I have heard in ages. I'm not allowed to say too much on the matter right now, but basically I've been asked to come play with them and to see how everything feels during that time. I'm super nervous, but I can't wait. Though I actually haven't picked up my guitar in forever.....Uh oh.......

I hate myself.

Oh boy, here is the Jeff we know and love.

Can I explain myself before you judge?!

Fine...Pussy.

Glad to see we're on good terms again.

Anyways...

I recently sat down and had a conversation with a friend about who we were as people, and I've come to some realizations about myself. One thing is that I'm sometimes too animated of a person. I also have a very "animated" look about me. Now, this is hard to explain if you don't already understand what I'm saying. Some people are cookie cutter good looking, other people aren't exactly beautiful, but they have little things that make them stand out and still attractive. Me...Well, I don't have much going for me. So I'm changing a few things. I'm quitting Yu-Gi-Oh...Because that was definitely not helping me get a girlfriend. I'm going back to playing guitar more. I'm getting a new hair cut. I'm gonna try and get in better shape. Blah blah blah. Who am I fooling? Hopefully myself. It's just a bunch of little things that I don't like about myself that I wish I could change.

Wow...This blog is worse than any of the other that I've written in a while. I just have nothing to write about anymore. I need a theme for my blog. If you actually still read this garbage and have ideas for me...PLEASE give them to me. Otherwise, I may go back to my original idea of just deleting this blog site all together.

Too many memories on here that I would rather forget
Though they still show up in my dreams. :P
Well...I could go into the two vertigo attacks I've had lately, along with a few other things that I've been doing lately, but I don't really feel the need to share those with anyone. Sooooo I think I'm gonna end this one off a bit early. Next time I should hopefully have something better to write about.
Yeah right. Who are you fooling?
They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious
So come on...
Obai.

I've got a dick full of helium, I'll fuck you up.

Don't leave me swinging in the wind until November
I am here
I am not going away
Hey, if I was you, I may want me to go away too
But you know what the hell, do what you have to do

Ohai.

It's almost two 'o clock in the morning. I'm washing my work clothes since I haven't been able to wash them since I've started working. Kind of gross to be frank, but I've been hella busy. As I'm sure you've been able to tell with my lack of posts on here. To be honest, I'd be surprised if anyone even still checks my blog page anymore to see if I update. I'll admit, I love reading my friends blogs. I love being able to take that extra step into there personal self, even if I already know what they are talking about. The fact that other people have ideas and thoughts just remind me how awesome our creativity as humans can be.

But here is the problem.

I don't want anyone in my head anymore. To be quite honest with you, I don't trust a single person anymore. Well, I take that back. There are a handful of people that I would still take a bullet for. Granted, that number is sooooooooo much lower than it was maybe 10 months ago or so. I have my own reason for not trusting people anymore. I really want to let someone back in my life again. I've been looking for quite some time actually. The problem, when you think you've had the best, it's hard to replace it. I've had to do that three times now. Obviously, you never find the best though. "The best" doesn't really exists. You find someone who you can deal with. You find as close as you can, but there are always qualities of that person that drive you crazy. You just learn to hide these feelings of frustration and anger. Some consider this a talent, while others think that it's the worst possible thing that you could do to your significant other. But those are the people that do it without even realize it.
Something I do all too well...
A boy, a girl, a middle aged bitch
Botox in the third person
Wow...I sound so pesimistic on the matter...
By the way, don't think anything of the lyrics that I'm using in this particular blog. It's all random songs on YouTube from some of my favorite users. A lot of amazing content was posted in the last week. I think I've spent most of my time when listening to music listening to either Bo Burnham or Schmoyoho. Awesome stuff.
I think I'm jealous
Honestly, that's half of the reason why I'm motivated to record my demo again. I know what you're thinking. That I already said this at the beginning of the summer and look how that turned out, right? Well, keep in mind, I hit quite a few road bumps during this summer. But I think it's actually going to happen this time. I have the best drummer possible doing drums for me, along with professional recoding gear. I don't know...I'm not going to say too much more on the matter. I'm not going to get myself over excited about it only to fail like it did a few months ago.
Course, you'll never know
Well, I think that is enough for my first post in a while. To be honest, I have a paper to write for my EDPS 105 class due tomorrow morning, and I just needed to get myself in a writing mode. Now that I am, this paper will be done in like 15 minutes.
I miss you....Sad, hu?
Obai.

Disclaimer
I feel the need to put this up since a lot of people don't know how to "read" my blog. This is just my random thoughts at the time. They may or may not be how I actually feel about things. Also, never think that I am talking about you specificly unless I address you by name in the post. That just saves you and me so much unneeded drama. Please and thanks.
And you just lost the game.
If you know about me to be true, let it be these two truths.

I hate catchy choruses
and I'm a hypocrite.
Hungry, hungry hypocrite.

To anyone that still even checks these things anymore

New post later tonight.
Got alot on my mind.
Just not enough time.
I love you all...

SnS...Famous for Best Friends.

Ohai.

So here we go again. Back into the swing of things for one night because, well, to be frank, there is quite a bit on my mind. I mean, that's always the case with me, so nothing is really new. I just....IDK. My friend, Minus Human, has kept a pretty consistent blog going on. I actually check it at least once a week and see what has been on this crazy fuckers mind. I love getting inside his head, even if it is only for a few paragraphs or less. After reading his most recent one, I decided that it was time for me to make another post.

OMG, look at that. I passed fifty posts on this site. I really need to get a life.

So school is starting back up for me pretty soon. As I have hinted at before, I'm super nervous about it. My roommate, AV, finally emailed me back about a week ago or so. I'm kind of nervous as to how this year will go. I have my hopes up high though. A lot of things will be happening all at once, and I just need to make sure that I can balance it all out and keep my grades up and keep making that money.

Sadly, that's all that matters when it comes to the real or now days.

Eh, I was thinking about making that a hidden message, but I'll leave it there.

"Wait, what do you mean hidden message?"

MOVING ON...
Dumbass...
To be honest, the more I think about it, the more I am ready to leave this town for good. I came back from my first year at Purdue losing one of my closest friends...no, my brother. THEN I lost my closest friend, got her back, lost her again, got her back. It's been a bit of an endless cycle to be honest. All because of other people running their mouth. If you have your own opinion about someone, keep it to yourself. That's all I have to say about that matter. Then I got a close group of friends, and now as the summer is coming to a close, I haven't heard from any of them in almost two weeks now. V, B, and M...All three of them...It's a bit depressing. I have no idea what's going on either.

The only people I have left are my Steak 'N Shake family. These people I don't have nicknames for, so I appologize for using your real names, but...

Stephen
Katie
Grace
Megan
Kendal
AJ
Tim
Kurt
Jordan
Christian
Juan
Veronica
Yolanda
Kinsey
Kamila
Tara
Seth

I love you people. I seriously mean it. You guys are what made working at SnS tolerable. I don't know how I would've done it if it wasn't for all of you. I love you guys.

Well, that was a bit of a boring blog again. Guess my life just isn't as exciting as it used to be.

"And by exciting, you mean depressing, right?"

Exactly.
Lies.
Obai.

Personal Goal.

Ohai.



I think this speaks for itself.
I want to feel that kind of happiness someday...
Obai.

Get...In...My...Balls...

MOLTRES...
I'm sitting here, doing this one a Saturday night
You think that I'm just going to give up
And that I'm just gonna go somewhere else
And I'm gonna give up on catching you?
You think I have better things to do
Than sitting here and trying to cram a
Six foot tall bird into something the size of a
Baseball?
No.
I don't have anything better to do.
You think I have friends to go see?
You think I have places to go hang out?
You think I have dates to go on?
You think I have sex to have?
Well, apparently...
You don't know teenage boys on the internet very well!
...
God, that was a sick burn on myself.
-Chuggaaconry

Story of my life

Ohai.

So I like how I said, "I'm back," in the last blog post, and that I'd try to do more posts, and then I don't do anything for quite a few weeks. Oh well. Life moves on. I feel like I'm giving a speech about my life to an empty room when I do these things anyways. I believe only two people even remember that I do these things and read them anyways, so I continue to ask the question, "What's the point?"

Let's give it a shot anyways.

My muse has been a bit on dry as of late. It's sad. I listen to all this awesome music and check out all this awesome artwork and other things of the sort, and I say to myself, "I want to do something like that!" Though, in the end, nothing ever comes out of what I try to do. Me and my archenemy wrote out a bit of a "Bucket List" of stuff that we were going to do before the end of summer. Go ahead and guess how much of that stuff is done. None. Not a one. Depressing. I don't even talk to them that much anymore. Even more depressing...

Work work work work work work work. It's all I seem to do anymore. It's really the only place where I feel appreciated for the stuff I do. Granted, I don't do much else, but the work I do around the house usually goes unnoticed, so I stop caring. I don't do too much for my friends anymore. Does that make me a bad friend? Eh. I'm indifferent. I've lost a lot of really close people this summer. Granted, I've found a lot of really cool people as well, ones that were right in front of me this whole time. My Steak 'N Shake family...I love these people. They are my sanity keepers. Without them, I'd go mad. It's going to be hard working at another Steak 'N Shake without them.

College is right around the corner. Who's nervous?

...I am.

So nervous.

Don't think much more needs to be said on that topic.

V and B's wedding is on Friday. I'm kind of excited for that. I only say kind of because I hate weddings. Boring, boring, boring. Plus, the only person I'll really know that is there besides those two is M...I don't know. Maybe things will be more fun than I am expecting. I'm just waiting for Saturday to get here so I can go to Gen Con. Thinking about saying screw tomorrow after work and just spending the afternoon from five till like midnight or something down there. That would be pretty awesome in my opinion. It would kind of be lonely by myself, but I really want to check everything out before the tournament that I'm signed up for starts.

Well...I guess that's really about it. This blog is actually fairly boring to be honest. I told you...My muse has run dry. I'm not depressed...No one is hurting me directly...I don't have a love...No real motivation to be creative.
Somethings missing...
Obai.

All the time

Now the look in your eyes
And then the tone of your voice
Suggest that just like me you wonder
If we made the right choice

Ohai.
So much for a break from these things.
So I'm back I guess. I don't know for how long, or whatever, but I'm back for the night. I think I just needed a break from the same repetitive crap happening. Granted, nothing has really changed, but I need to vent. I've got no one to vent to, so I'm going to use this. No one reads this anyways, so I don't really care.

But I neglected to mention you're on my mind
All the time
But I neglected to mention you're on my mind
All the time

A few days ago, my dad had a vertigo attack. If you actually read these, you know that I suffer from these as well and I tried to give you a small taste of what they're actually like. Well, for my dad, they are worse than I could possibly imagine. When it happens, I get really scared. The look on my dads face...I've never seen a person go from color to sheer white so fast. The night was going good too. All the Liptons sitting outside, drinking and talking, and a few of us all smoking cigars, myself included in this. Surprised me that dad let me have it, what with mom right there and all. She flipped shit later, but that's beyond the point.

After the attack happened, I was really shaken up...
Still am..
I really wanted someone to talk to...Just someone to tell me that everything was going to be ok. Call me a baby/pathetic/whatever the hell you can come up with. I just needed the reassurance to get through the night without totally freaking out. Though, not to my surprise, no one seemed to really care. Which is awesome. Pay no mind that I go out of my way for just about everyone who is even remotely close to me, and when I just ask for a few minutes of someones time, I can't get anything. Wasn't until after the fact that my friends started realizing that something was up. It's ok. I got support...Just not when I needed it. Maybe wanted is the better word.

Maybe I'm selfish. I think I am....
I'll get over it.
The silence hung in the air
For just a moment or two
Then you said goodbye to me
And I said goodbye to you

Moving on. I've got a post in mind for the next one. Giant post, so it may not be up for a while. But I feel like writing it. There are so many people in my life right now that I just couldn't do without. Most of you know who you are. But yea. Stuff. And things.

That's all I got.
LIES! SAY IT! SAY IT!
Obai.
DAMN IT, NOT AGAIN!
But I neglected to mention...

Soldier Side

Welcome to the Soldier Side
Where there's no one here but me

It's time for a break
This isn't good bye
Just for now

People All grow up to die
There is no one here but me

Lady in the water

I hear angels and people
Moving all around me
And I'm stuck here while
I watch them swim to shore
And I can't seem to catch a breath
As I sink down to the bottom
I can only hope to wish for one more

Ohai.

I normally don't do one of these during the day, but it's slowly but surely turning out to be one of those days again. I have two solid days off a week it seems now, and whenever I try to make plans, nothing actually happens for me. Right now, I've spent the majority of my day either sitting on my back deck reading, riding my bike, or killing time on the computer. I keep checking my phone...Hoping that someone will text me saying they want to hang out, but everyone's busy. It happens.

And I hope you all will see because
I hope you all believe
That the lady in the water, she is petrified
Saved me from drowning, and she nearly died
I can't find a reason to save her life
A few easy words
"Can you stay above?"

You narcissistic bastard.

Excuse me? How the hell do you keep sneaking your way back into these?

You're using your own song for your blog. You egotistical little prick!

It is my song, so I think I can use it where I see fit...Fuck off.

Asshole...

That guy needs to stop showing his face around here....Moving on. Only thing I have going on today is a trip to the card shop to play some Yu-Gi-Mons. Got to get ready for Gen Con...The day keeps getting closer and closer. It's quite possibly the only thing I'm looking forward to right now.
Well, that and going back to Purdue...Hopefully for good.
And you can't always get what you wish for
And you can't always get what you need
You can't always get what you want most
You can still hold on and believe
How true, Phil...How true.
Well, I guess we'll see how these next two days go. More than likely they will be wasted, but that's life for you. Maybe I should just ask to work all the time...Hmmm....
As if I didn't not sleep enough already...
Obai.

But a warning to all of those who happen to walk by
This is not their final resting place....

Bad post is bad

-You've be warned-

Marooned again
You were the one the put me into life
Marooned again
You were the one that looked through a satellite

Ohai.

So, I'm trying to stick to posting something on here every day for the next while. Even if it is a bad post, like this one is going to be. I ended up having another attack last night, so I don't really feel like writing too much. Only one thing has been on my mind, but trust me, no way in hell you're getting it out of me.
Don't even try.
I like the way we slept on rooftops in the summertime
If we were all marooned again
I'd give my soul to save you're life

So yeah...That's all I got tonight.

Obai.

Panic Attack

Why do I feel so numb?
Is it something to do with where I come from?
Should this be fight or flight?
I don't know why I'm constantly so uptight.
What an appropriate start.
Ohai.

So I figured I'd share something with you all tonight. I know I usually don't go too in depth into my personal life, and there is a very good reason behind that. Note the word "personal." Meaning, unless you already know what's going on, it's more than likely none of your business, or I just don't want you to know it. None the less, this is something that most people in my life already know about, so I have no problem writing about it. Plus, I've been in need of a solid topic for quite some time now.

I suffer from vertigo attacks. Sometimes small ones, sometimes more serve ones. It's something I've been dealing with for the past while, I'll say about two years now. Some people ask me to try and explain what having an attack like that is.

Spinning
Dizzy
Migraine
More like migraine times ten
Can't even stand on my own
Can't think straight
Can't hardly breathe

Honestly, it's impossible to full explain the feeling that comes over me once I have an attack. Some people who have been around me while I was having an attack have a small idea of what it's like for me at least. To anyone who has had to take care of me while having one of these attacks, I apologize. I know it's not fun, though I am grateful for the help you gave me while it was happening.

Some people also ask what triggers them. It's hard to say that as well. It usually seems to hit when I've been deprived of sleep for a long period of time, when I'm stressing out about stuff, or a combination of those two things. Sometimes it just happens whenever the hell my body feels like fucking with me, but usually one of those two things happens first.

Rabid heartbeat pounding through my chest
Agitated body in distress
I feel like I'm in danger
Daily life is strangled by my stress

I had one last night...I'll be perfectly honest. It was horrendous. The one feeling that I left out when I have one of these attacks...Helplessness. It just consumes me during one of these attacks. I was already having an off night, not sleeping again. Then the attack just hit me out of no where. I couldn't hold my eyes open for fear of throwing up from how hard the room was spinning. Instantly my body's temperature jumped to what felt well over 100 degrees. One thought just kept going through my head...

"I wish you were here..."
"I wish you were here..."

Who is you, exactly? I don't even know.
I wish you were here...
I don't want anyone to worry though. These happen at least once every month or two, and I usually can handle them on my own. Usually I'm at home and in bed, so I can just fall asleep and handle it. Last nights though...That was rough...I eventually passed out from pure dizziness and head pain, thank God. I actually got some sleep...Just not the way I wanted it.

So yeah, kind of depressing blog. But I felt like writing about it. Helps me cope with it. Helps me grow in a sense.

That's all I really wanted to talk about tonight. Sorry for another shitty post. Maybe something interesting will happen soon...Then again, with how work is half the time, maybe not. Oh well. School is soon...Ohhhhhh....There's an idea.....
I'm already scared about that....
Obai.

Octavarium

[Root]
Our deadly sins feel his mortal wrath
Remove all obstacles from our path

[Second]
Asking questions, search for clues
The answers been right in front of you

Ohai.

This is more than likely going to be a puss out blog. There is too much on my mind to make a solid post about anything. Though I feel the need to write anyways. I don't know why, to be honest. Maybe it's because just recently I had another person thank me for blogging? Maybe it's because some people say it's the only way they know what's going on in my head anymore? To those people I have this to say. You have no idea what's going on in my head if you're only reading this blog. You're getting the censored and condensed version that I want everyone to read. Nothing that's actually going on.
None of you can handle the truth...Or I'm a pussy.
Probably the second option...

Are you talking to yourself again?

Get the fuck out! No one invited you!

Ouch...Harsh much?

[Third]
Try to break through, long to connect
Fall on deaf ears and failed muted breath

[Fourth]
Loyalty, trust, faith, and desire
Carries love through each darkest fire

God damn, I need an idea. A passion. A love. I'm starting to get in a rut because I'm stuck in a rut as far as my life goes. Most people call it growing up, or the norm. I would like to think that there is more than just this shit that I've been doing for the past week, but I'm starting to think that there isn't, either. Everyday recently, it's the same thing. Wake up, go to work, come home, try to make plans, everyone's busy, write a blog, go to bed, and repeat. It's almost like being at the factory again, except the going to work part isn't 100% awful. I just...

Ugh...

A group of people I know went to the hookah bar tonight. I wanted to go...So damn bad. I've needed to relax like non other. The whole no sleep thing doesn't help. I didn't have time to go, though. One, I'm living at home, so that means I have to abide by my parents rules. Which aren't by any means harsh or anything, just sometimes annoying. That's parents for you though. Two, I have to go to work tomorrow in the AM...More than likely working a double. So if I can at least get an hour of sleep before then, I'll be good.

[Fifth]
Tortured insanity, a smothering hell
Try to escape but to no avail

[Sixth]
The calls of admirers who claim they adore
Drain all your life blood while begging for more

Two more stanzas...Two more stanzas and you can be done with this crap...

[Seventh]
Innocent victims of merciless crimes
Fall pray to some madmen's impulsive designs

[Octave]
Step after step we tray controlling our fate
When we finally start living, it's become to late
I think that's where I'm at...
So there you go. All that's on my mind. Nothing crazy going on in the mind of Jeff Lipton tonight
Hi, my name is Jeff Lipton...
TRAPPED INSIDE THIS OCTAVARIUM!
and I'm the worst liar in the world.
TRAPPED INSIDE THIS OCTAVARIUM!
But what do you care?
TRAPPED INSIDE THIS OCTAVARIUM!
There' so much more...
I think I should end this now, before it gets out of hand.
That none of you will ever know.
TRAPPED INSIDE THIS OVTAVRIUM!
Just the way I like it.
Obai.

A second try? Sure...

I tried an idea
For no reason
Keep the sun off our shoulders
Crawling back to
-Chevelle

Ohai.

Apparently my last blog post wasn't good enough...So I'm being held at gun point to write another one for tonight. It's going to be hard for me though. Honestly, everything that was on my mind was written in the last one. Well, that's a lie. Everything that I felt like sharing with you was in my last one. But, I guess we're trying this again tonight.

A black out
Touching new life
Face down
Set the pace again

Whooooo....I'm so damn tired right now...But I'm not going to sleep. I won't be able to go to sleep. Like I said, not till total exhaustion hits. Even then, I'll wake up and not be able to sleep. It happens...More often than I'd like to admit. Dreams...Nightmares...Or just total discomfort keeps me awake. You'd think with a water bed I'd be good.
Though with my fucked up thoughts, you'd think otherwise.
I admit it, I'm crazy. No, more than crazy.
More like legally insane...
Been thinking about doing another on of those, "Hi, my name is Jeff Lipton, and I'm..." posts. I can honestly say I had fun writing that post. But it took a shit ton of time to do. Almost a week to just finish it completely. My average blog takes about 30-60 minutes to write...So yeah, I let this thing eat up a lot of my time. Not like I'm doing anything better, other than working.

Again, lots on my mind. But what do you care, right?

Don't take the fall
We'd hate to see
That's entertainment
Get some

Obai.